Standards

What the fuck? Why is it that I have suddenly developed standards about who I sleep with? It's like a fucking curse! Why did kc have to set the bar so damn high that now I can't just screw anyone who is willing? Why is it that I can't get off with a 1-nighter? Oh yeah, because now for some reason instead of not getting off because they were bad in bed, I can't get off because I don't have any sort of emotional connection to them.

I mean, it could be considered a good thing that I'm not out sleeping with whoever is willing. And not to toot my own little horn but I've got at least 2 offers on the table and I don't want to fuck either one of them. as is nice and all, but way too much of a party animal. She is living like she is constantly on spring break and I just am not down for that. So we hang out and watch baseball and occasionally have drinks, but she gets all huffy puffy when I don't accept every invitation she sends my way because I know she thinks that if I'm drunk she's got a better chance of getting me into bed.

And then there is igb, who I have had a fun and flirty friendship with for the past couple of years. We have never both been single at the same time and now we are and if I put it out there she'd hop on that train.

But I don't want either one of them. They would only be 1-nighters and if they could handle it afterward then friends. But I wouldn't be able to get off and half the fun is reaching the finish line; what's the point if that won't happen?

However this is my life, so of course it just can't be kc and as (igb doesn't really count, she's never stood a chance), there is sb. I met sb at a party back in January but didn't think that she would ever be interested since I'm a smoker. And then one night as (yup, as of all people) gets me to go to ladies night, where I see sb and she gets my number from one of our friends. Since then we have had a little flirty texting and whatnot going on, but we haven't actually hung out. Apparently she's kind of flaky and noncommittal which is perfect since that's about what I can handle.

So maybe sb will eventually get around to hanging out but since she'll be in Africa for all of July it's not going to be anytime soon. Although, she did tell me to invite her to watch tv again sometime. She had invited me to a party but said her friends sometimes bail, and of course they did. So we had a little flirty text convo and I had told her I was just watching a movie on my couch and she could join me, but it was late and she was heading to bed. And then she told me to invite her again.

I probably will next weekend. Sad that I plan these things for when kc is out of town, but since she is going to Kansas with dr and won't be back until Sunday at least I won't have to worry about her coming into my house.

Although, after the other weekend I doubt she'll be doing that anytime soon. as had kidnapped me to her house to play pong and had promised to give me a ride home later but then got too drunk to drive me home and that sucked. So I sent kc a goodnight text as I was planning on passing out on the couch. But of course got talked into more pong and then kc calls me at 2:30 (yeah, that's am) and is all, why aren't you home? Apparently she had found the key she had to my house and never told me and had decided she wanted to snuggle so came over and was freaked that I wasn't there. So she came and picked me up thank goodness because I really wasn't looking forward to having to sleep there (although kinda forgot to tell as that I was leaving so she was pissed for a few days but whatever) and was giving me the 3rd degree about why I would send a goodnight text when I wasn't asleep or in my own bed.

So yeah, since kc will be out of town next weekend and sb will be in Africa all of July, it'll be a good time to invite her over. And since she is flaky and noncommittal she may come over but most likely won't stay over so hopefully I won't have to worry about the sex issue coming up. But who knows, maybe I'll like her in which case I still won't want to sleep with her because I want to really like her if that happens.

Damn. I think my whole frame of mind got started because kc was all sad and upset about being single. Umm...you're the one who couldn't fall in love with me and you're bitching about being single? To me? I mean, it's one thing for me (who actually did fall in love) to be sad about being single, but the one who wanted to be single is suddenly upset about it? I mean, yeah it sucks. And I'm too nice to be mad at her. I want her to be happy, I wish it could be with me, but I'm accepting that it can't be. But I know the minute I start dating someone I actually like she is going to be different. She has said that she will be sad but she won't change how she treats me. I guess we'll see how that goes when it happens. Sometimes I feel like I'm almost waiting for her to just get on with it and get it on with someone else so that I can finally let go and move on completely.

I don't want to feel like I'm holding back with someone I could like because I'm afraid how kc will take it. But it's almost like I need that person to be worth it, because of the potential for kc to withdraw from me (despite promises not to). Again with the standards.