Social Dissent - How The Little Mermaid Is Corrupting Children

So since I don't really have any bitching to do about my life, and I enjoy getting fired up every now and again, I'm going to start posting some smartass sarcastic observations that I've made.

A few weeks ago I went to visit some friends and in the morning we had a little wake and bake and watched The Little Mermaid. Yes, the Disney classic, if classic is the right word. And I noticed something incredibly disturbing about that movie.

In what world would it be okay to let a child (ok, I guess child is the wrong word, in the book she's supposed to be 16), or teenager for that matter, think that it is perfectly acceptable to completely give up your identity to go after some guy that you've met once and have never spoken to?

Seriously. This girl is 16-years-old, she is allowed to roam free (ok yeah I know, it was under the sea, but come on) with no rules or curfew, only the knowledge that she can't talk to humans and she has to obey her father. But she doesn't.

So what does she do when she meets a guy and falls instantly in love with him? She does some drugs, given to her by some seedy woman who of course makes her trade something valuable for it. She gives up her voice, one of her biggest assets, and then she is willing to give up the life she has for a guy she hasn't even talked to.

And where does this get her? Rock bottom...literally. Well, not her, her father when the seedy woman comes to collect and turns her father into a wallowing soul on the bottom of the ocean floor.

Then the movie has the audacity to have a happy ending just further proving that if you disobey your parents and are willing to give up your identity you will live happily ever after. Who the fuck are they kidding? If you take away the cartoon Disney fascade you'd have the makings of an after school special warning kids to not take drugs and act impulsively. Of course in the after school special the girl would probably get pregnant and the guy would leave her as soon as he found out. But in the Disney version everything ends up all hunky dorey, her father is happy, the seedy woman is killed, and the girl gets what she wants.

Should we really condone this sort of behavior to children? Of course, children don't see it this way. Children watching this movie just hear the songs, some might be scared of the seedy woman, and think that in the end, everything will be alright. They will grow up, meet someone, fall instantly in love, maybe have a few troubles, but if they are persistent or run away their parents will simply go along with what they want.

Crazy Busy

So, in my quest to do everything I wanted to do this summer, I may have bit off more than I can chew. My French class is going great. Tomorrow is the last day of summer 7's. Saturday is the NA4 rugby championships so the girls will be partying at my house all day and then we're going to watch the games at night.

But...I've been spending the last 2 weeks studying, feeling like I'm getting nowhere with it, and that I'm going to basically have to repeat all of the major chemistry classes I took in college so that I can start the master's program. I know I want to go back to school, I just didn't realize that all of this prep work was going to have to be condensed into such a short amount of time.

Luckily my mom doesn't throw anything away so she is mailing me all my college notes that she could find. But I'm still freaking out. I have to take 1 test every day next week. I have to leave work early at 2:30pm so I can take the test from 3:30-5:30pm. And then go home and keep studying for the test that is the next day.

Plus kc went to CA to visit her family so she asked me to look after her house since her roommate isn't that reliable. But she is flying me out to San Francisco to visit her next Thursday for the weekend. So next Thursday is going to be ridiculously crazy. I'll have to go to work early, leave to take the test, meet with the professor afterward to discuss what classes I can take since I don't find out my exam scores until after I take all of them. Then run to kc's house and water the garden and check on the kitties and then head to the airport. Hopefully I'll have time to squeeze in a shower because I hate flying dirty even though I always feel gross after I get off an airplane.

It'll be a fun weekend though. We're getting a hotel room on Thursday night since I don't get in until around midnight or so. And I've never been to SF before so that will be fun. My French teacher said I had to write a story about what I did since I'll be missing class but that will be fun. And I borrowed the 3 Musketeers in French from the library so I could get a little more exposure. That'll be my book for the airplane.

So yeah, crazy busy shit going on. Time to crack open my organic chemistry book again and see how much I can get done tonight before I pass out. I should probably cook some dinner sometime too since I'm starving. Although my stomach has been all fucked up for the last couple of days and I'm breaking out like mad because of the stress. I shouldn't stress but I just can't help it. At least I'm not having any stress with kc because I don't think I could handle having any more stress. Hopefully none of the rugby girls get into any drama this weekend.

Suppose I should get my ass in gear for another long night of reading chemistry...oh so fun. Looks like a bowl of cereal it is going to be for dinner. Or maybe I'll grill up a turkey burger, those are pretty quick to make too. Fuck, I just don't know which direction to go in. Ok, food first then studying.

Surprises

Why do I still get surprised when things are good with me and kc for more than a month? It's like, I don't expect them to stay that way because something always gets messed up. But I'm doing my best to keep that feeling in check.

I shouldn't be surprised. I should be happy that things have finally gotten to the point that we're communicating really well and we're excited to see each other and she still wants sex, although I think that her recreational use affects that slightly.

She knows it does, but, I mean, as long as I'm still getting it I really don't care how much she smokes. It's not like I'm in charge of her life. She does what she wants, so do I.

Last night I decided to go visit some girls on the rugby team that I hadn't seen in a while. kc and I are supposed to be going camping tonight and climbing a 14er tomorrow. It was very sweet that she wanted to climb this one with just me. We'll climb the other ones with our friends later but she actually said she wanted to do it with just me.

Usually she's always down for inviting other people so it was definitely a good change of pace that she wanted to spend the time with just me. Especially considering that one of my biggest complaints from before was that I never got enough alone time with her.

And, for the last week or so, when she sends me an e-mail she's been signing it love, k. And I will NOT overthink and overanalyze this. It's special and that's all and that's all I'm going to think about it. I'm not going to push for some sort of verbal confirmation that what she is writing is what she is actually feeling.

Last Friday when I went out for happy hour with some friends she came to pick me up because I told her I probably shouldn't drive. I felt bad because she had to leave a party to come and get me, although we did end up going back to the party after, and she said it was ok, it's something that girlfriends do for each other.

So the love and girlfriend thing is a good. I'm enjoying my time and my days and it's working out well for us right now. I think that all the shit that we've been through we had to go through because it got us to where we are now. So I'm just going to remain calm and happy and go with it because that's the best thing to do.

Long Time

Wow, it's been a long time since I've had an evening where I can just sit here and give an update about me. Life has been crazy busy lately. Summer 7's is in full swing and my French class has been going on for a couple weeks now.

It's been nice being busy. I like it. Keeps me from overthinking things. Which, I think I've been doing pretty well lately. Just been relaxed and doing what I want to do. So far my idea of having a selfish summer has worked out well. A few weeks ago I went out on my friend j's boat, went wakeboarding for the first time. That was so much fun! But holy shit does it work your muscles. My back was sore for a couple days, but hopefully I'll have another couple free weekends to go out again and try it.

For the 4th of July kc was out of town (not that that mattered) but I wanted to climb a couple 14ers. Drove up to the mountain after class and slept in my car in the parking lot. It's actually pretty comfy with the back seats folded down flat. It was a really gorgeous day, not nearly as bad weather as the last time I climbed that mountain. I had to do both of them because the last time I went up there with the ex her and her sister wimped out of doing the 2nd one and then talked me out of doing it by myself. kc was a little worried about me doing them by myself but I wasn't, they're pretty heavily trafficed mountains so if something did happen there was plenty of other people around. It was great to just get out there and do it myself and know that I could do it myself.

Then this past weekend there was an event at the Botanic Gardens through my French class. It was catered by 6 different French restaurants in town with tons of food and wine. I took kc to it as a surprise and she really liked it. The gardens were closed off to the public so we had the whole place to ourselves. We got to wander around with food and wine and look at the pretty flowers and all the displays, it was really peaceful and fun. I even tried escargo! I was a little worried about how it would taste since I don't like clams because of their squishy bellies. But it was inside a pastry and had this delicious sauce and I liked it!

I think this weekend kc and I are going to climb another 14er. Some of my friends want to join us when we do one but kc wants to do this one with just me. Should be fun, get to do another hike, think we're going to just sleep in the back of my car like I did before. And then in a couple weeks I think I'll go with my friends to do the other ones that I want. It's cool because the ones I did on the 4th you can do 2 in one day and the ones I'll do with my friends you can do 3 in one day.

Then in a couple weeks I'm going to San Francisco to meet kc for the weekend. She is going to go out there for a week and see her family and then she's flying me out there to visit her for the last weekend. Some friends of hers moved to a town right near San Francisco so we're going to visit and stay with them.

I got my application done for the masters program so hopefully I'll be able to start that in the fall. I ordered my transcripts from college today and I just have to mail out my recommendations and a check for the processing fee tomorrow and I should be all good.

I think this sense of independence and doing what I want to do is actually helping my relationship with kc. Things have been good with us for the last month. She is excited about seeing me and we have stuff to talk about, not just stuff she's doing but stuff I'm doing. And she wants me to practice my french that I'm learning with her.

I'm really liking this class. It's definitely hard, there is just so much to learn, but it's a total perk that my teacher is hot. I've never had a hot teacher before. And now I get to add studying for the tests I'll have to take for grad school to what I get to do at night when I'm at home. So, have no fear, I'll keep updating this thing but probably not as frequently as I normally would.

As for work...whatever. It's a job. Totally unsatisfying and fairly boring. It would be cool if I could go to China sometime but it's okay, I'll make it there someday. They keep wanting me to get involved in all of these things that I have absolutely no idea about. I don't think my boss realizes that I'm not a fucking accountant...I'm a scientist. If he wants me to make sure they are environmentally compliant with everything and talk to them about all this stuff great, I can do that. But he wants me to keep track of this shipping stuff and talk to people about orders they are placing. It's not really all that hard, it's just shit I've never done before.

So that's the lowdown on what's been going on with me. Life is good and busy. My selfish summer is paying off. I'm doing what I want to do when I want to do it. It sucks that I can't do everything, if only people would schedule things on weekends and evenings that I have free. But, I'm having fun and that's really all I care about.

Carousels

They go up and down and round and round...kind of like my relationship with kc. Maybe she did just have PMS last weekend when she said she didn't want to have sex with me again because she sure does now. Or maybe that's all she wants. No, that's not it. I know that she wants something with me, but it can't involve expectations.

We were talking the other night because she had been studying at my house and left me a note saying that she was thinking about having sex with me again. But she didn't want any expectations. I told her that I don't have any, but what I do want is for her to treat me how she has been for the last couple weeks. Things have been fun and relaxed and not stressed.

So now I guess we'll just see where it goes. I told her my problem is that I like it when she is like how she has been, all affectionate, and snuggly, and wanting to hang out with me, not when she acts like she doesn't care if I'm around. And I'm sure that it's been helpful that I have a job now because I'm not sitting at home all bored and lonely. I've been getting out, doing my stuff, and working out.

I've been trying to go running after work at least 3 days a week, and then I have rugby on Wednesdays. Summer 7's started up again this week and it's been the first time in 2 months that I've been able to hit anyone. And it felt great! So my whole outlook on life has been a lot better lately, and I'm sure that kc is picking up on that.

I guess the thing for me to remember is to not fucking worry about it so much and just relax and have a good time. Because we do have a good time when things are good. And our communication about things is only getting better and that's really key. I've never really felt like I could say all the things that I wanted to, good or bad, in my past relationships, like I had to hold stuff back. And with her I don't, and she doesn't want me to either. She wants to know when I'm pissed at her and when I'm happy with her.

This weekend we're supposed to go camping. Well, her, h, c, and ca are already there. They left at the ass crack of dawn this morning and she is going to call me and give me directions to the campsite. I told her that I would leave tomorrow morning because I just wanted to come home and relax tonight and not have what happened last time happen.

Last summer I drove around for 3 hours and became incredibly pissed off because I couldn't find them. This time they're going to an actual campground and I know the general location of how to get there, just not the exact one they're at. So she is going to actually drive to a place that gets cell reception or has a pay phone and call me tonight to give me directions. I mean, let's hope it happens, I think it will. It fucking better since my car is all loaded.

We all know she's not the most punctual person so I don't expect a call anytime soon. I figure they've actually found a spot since last I heard from her they were driving to another place. They're probably setting up camp, drinking some beverages, and hanging out and once they get settled or whatever she'll call. Of course, knowing her she won't call until around 10pm or later when she realizes that she forgot to, but whatever, as long as she does. It's not like I'm driving out there right now to find them tonight.

I'm pretty psyched to get out into the woods (although this is car camping) and do some hiking and use my tent. And we get to snuggle together in it which I always like, have a campfire, all the good stuff. I can't wait to do some backpacking, although it's prime bear season so may need to wait a little while longer to do that. Not that they can't attack regular campsites, but at least I won't be alone in the woods.

So yeah, things have been good lately, in all aspects of my life. My job is trying to get me involved in more stuff since it takes me no time at all to do the work that I have. It's not really all that challenging, but we'll see what happens with this government job and if I get that. Who knows. I mean, this job is okay, and maybe once I've been there longer and get involved in more stuff it'll get more challenging and exciting. Maybe I'll even get to travel some more. Guess at least I have a job finally.

Raining and Pouring

Fuck when it rains it pours! I mean, here I am unemployed for 3 months, I finally get a job and now I'm getting letters and phone calls about other jobs. Seriously? This company is great and all but it's not my dream job. I do quality for a company that imports baby clothes. I'm the person who makes sure that there isn't anything that the kid can pull off and choke on...yes, you heard me.

The scientist inside of me feels so deprived right now. The people are nice and all but I know I've frustrated a couple people at least with my incessant questioning and my inability to let things slide. Take measurements for example. I have to measure socks and tights to make sure they are within spec for the size range listed. But, since they stretch they are allowed to be off by a little bit. But how fucking much is a little bit? Therein lies my problem.

And I got a letter in the mail saying that I had passed the first phase of this government job that I think would be more in line with me and my background. Environmental Protection Specialist sounds a lot more interesting than Quality Control Manager. And this job would be right down the street from me. I could ride my bike there and not spend over $50 per tank of gas about once a week. I also wouldn't have to worry about classes, I'd be so close that there wouldn't be any rush hour traffic.

I guess I'm counting my chickens before they hatch. I have to go take the test and if I score below a certain amount I'm automatically disqualified. But if I don't go and take the test the letter said basically that I would not be considered for any other jobs requiring that test...EVER. So I have to go to work late in a couple weeks because the least I can do is take the test. But what the fuck am I supposed to do if I actually do get the job?

I know this kind of stuff happens all the time, but I would feel really guilty about it. But people leave and start jobs everyday. And I certainly wouldn't be the first person to leave this company and I won't be the last, but I would still feel bad. I guess I can't worry about that now, I just need to wait and see.

On a better note I've been running again. My ribs finally don't hurt and just in time for summer 7's to start up again next week. Even better is that I get to ride my bike there, it will take me 10 minutes. I'm pretty fucking excited about that. I get to hit someone again, I get to roll around in the grass, and I get to get exercise without having to drag my ass down the trail. The trail isn't bad though, I just hate running, but it's the only thing that gets my ass back in shape.

Not being able to do anything for 6 weeks really sucked...BAD! Exercising really helps me clear my head and makes me feel good about myself. I've gotten pretty soft not being able to do any exercise. And kc not wanting to have sex with me is of course not really helping.

I have no idea what is going on with her. She treats me more like a girlfriend when she doesn't want to be with me than she does when she wants to be with me. She calls me, wants to hang out, is snuggly and affectionate, and kisses me, and we go out on dates. I don't fucking get her, again, as usual, I have no idea what the hell is going on in her head.

And she wonders why I'm confused and have no idea how she feels about me. She thinks that she is being upfront and honest by telling me that she doesn't think things will ever work out with us, that she's not attracted to me when I'm insecure, but then she's all girlfriend acting with me. Not to mention that I've told her that her not telling me how she feels about me when I'm sitting there pouring my heart out to her and she knows exactly how I feel about her makes things even harder.

Whatever. I have no idea. Tonight I'm going to relax at home I think. Still undecided about First Friday, but at least none of the rugby girls are harassing me to go. kc mentioned something about it yesterday, but I'm not really counting on that coming through or happening. Tomorrow my friend is having a badly needed girls night out and so kc is going to drop me off and pick me up so I can drink and not have to take a cab home. I have to spend all evening in hetero land but at least I don't have to think about girls.

I think I'm going to swear off women for a while and have a selfish summer. I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want to do. I'm going to accomplish the stuff I want to. If I want to climb a 14er I will. I if I want to sit on my ass all night and drink wine then I will. If I want to go backpacking or hiking or camping or mountain biking. I just think that this is the only way that I am going to get my head on straight and actually get myself to a place where I can even begin to think about dating again.

Has it been that long?

Damn, life comes at you fast, just like the commercial says. LOTS of new things in my life. So let's start with the obvious...my employment. As a requirement for my unemployment I have to fill out 5 job applications a week. Riiight, because 5 chemistry jobs that I'm qualified for just open up all the time. So, I've been applying to all kinds of random jobs, mostly ones that I'm either way overqualified for that don't pay shit or ones that I'm completely not qualified for just because.

So I've been doing this for the last 3 months. Last week I apply for a quality control job at this company. I just looked at the requirements and thought, well, I'm definitely not qualified, but what the fuck, I'll apply anyway. And the next day they called me for an interview! Then I actually took a look at the company's website and thought, well, they probably won't hire me because this company imports baby clothes, but what the hell, I'll go.

The interview went well enough and they seemed to like me but I just thought they were being nice. And then they called me the next day and offered me the job! And then they told me that they would pay me what I asked!

I started on Tuesday. It's definitely not my field that's for sure. But, it's a job, and one that pays well. And this just reinforces in me that I need to get my masters and teach some undergrad chemistry. I'm feeling scientific withdrawl. This job will be totally cake once I get it figured out. The people at the company are nice enough and all very willing to make sure I get help with what I don't know. And I get to travel for them. Next week I'm going to exciting Arkansas to take a tour of one of their testing labs. Eventually I'll get to go to Shanghai so that's exciting. I might see if I can make a stop in Japan for a couple days on my way home if I ever do get to take that trip.

So yay, I'm employed! Now I just need to get my application for school finished. Oh, and I signed up for this French class! It starts next month and I'm really excited for it. I really want to become fluent in another language and since I already know enough broken Spanish to get by I decided I wanted to learn French. And kc paid for the class in exchange for the home organization stuff I've been doing for her. I think it was a good tradeoff.

And in kc news I suppose we can go there. We had a good weekend last weekend, except for my drunken hysteria on Friday night. I was just so fucking angry at her and told her and freaked out on her, and the alcohol didn't help my cause. So I ended up driving home around 4:30am because I just couldn't be near her anymore. Or c, because c has a crush on kc, and is always all over her and touching her and hugging her. And kc doesn't like her like that, and I wigged out because I have heard that fucking line before. At least with a I saw it coming. And I really want to believe her, but the way she has been with me lately I guess it doesn't really matter.

She's still in her I'm too busy to hang out with you even though I have good intentions. She lost her cell phone for all of last week so we've actually been having to talk on the phone which is nice. But, fuck, I mean, for all her, we need a date, we should have sex, I miss you crap, she isn't doing a fucking thing about it. This morning she sends me a text (yeah, after a week she finally realized she was never getting her phone back and bought a new one) at 6am saying that she's finally going to bed and if I can't sleep I can come and sleep with her. Except she was going to sleep on her couch. Now, if there's just no real other choice I'll sleep on the couch, it's just been uncomfortable with my ribs because they stiffen up and I wake up in pain. And why the fuck would I leave my comfortable warm bed that I've been sleeping in all night to go lay on a couch that would make me uncomfortable?

I don't know. I told her I was having an argument in my head (which has apparently become code for, I've got some shit to talk to you about). Lately, I just keep playing these scenarios out in my head, arguments between us, and seeing how they would go in an effort to find the best way to tell her stuff. So far it's working, and it's definitely better than a drunken hysterical evening exploding on her.

So, that's what's been going on lately. Today I have to go get the other half of my curtains. I decided to hang some curtains in my bedroom to cut down on the morning light so I could sleep late. Except that it didn't say on the fucking package that it only contained half of the curtains. I suppose they're the first nice thing I've bought for my house since I moved in (aside from the couch) so I didn't mind paying what I did for them. I'm just pissed that the curtain was only big enough for half the window. So now I have go to back to the store today and get the other half. And I got a coupon for a free memory foam pillow when I moved in, that thankfully doesn't have an expiration date, so I'm going to pick that up today. Why the hell not, I shouldn't bend my schedule or what I want to do because kc can't make any fucking time to spend with me.

And at least last weekend I wasn't really worried about it. I had a ton of stuff to do with the rugby girls and it was fucking fun. We worked the beer tent at the festival and I spent most of the weekend with them. Plus kc's mom was in town so I got to see her, and cousin g was here.

Well, now it's Saturday morning. I'm going to enjoy my coffee, finish some laundry (that got neglected all last weekend and has been piling up), take a shower, head over to kc's to see if she wants to go to the store with me, and then do some shit. Maybe I'll lay out on the lawn and work on my tan. I definitely need to clean out my car. There is a show tonight that I might go to that sounds like it'll be fun. So I've got some stuff on my plate to do today whether or not kc actually wants to spend some time with me.