Carousels

They go up and down and round and round...kind of like my relationship with kc. Maybe she did just have PMS last weekend when she said she didn't want to have sex with me again because she sure does now. Or maybe that's all she wants. No, that's not it. I know that she wants something with me, but it can't involve expectations.

We were talking the other night because she had been studying at my house and left me a note saying that she was thinking about having sex with me again. But she didn't want any expectations. I told her that I don't have any, but what I do want is for her to treat me how she has been for the last couple weeks. Things have been fun and relaxed and not stressed.

So now I guess we'll just see where it goes. I told her my problem is that I like it when she is like how she has been, all affectionate, and snuggly, and wanting to hang out with me, not when she acts like she doesn't care if I'm around. And I'm sure that it's been helpful that I have a job now because I'm not sitting at home all bored and lonely. I've been getting out, doing my stuff, and working out.

I've been trying to go running after work at least 3 days a week, and then I have rugby on Wednesdays. Summer 7's started up again this week and it's been the first time in 2 months that I've been able to hit anyone. And it felt great! So my whole outlook on life has been a lot better lately, and I'm sure that kc is picking up on that.

I guess the thing for me to remember is to not fucking worry about it so much and just relax and have a good time. Because we do have a good time when things are good. And our communication about things is only getting better and that's really key. I've never really felt like I could say all the things that I wanted to, good or bad, in my past relationships, like I had to hold stuff back. And with her I don't, and she doesn't want me to either. She wants to know when I'm pissed at her and when I'm happy with her.

This weekend we're supposed to go camping. Well, her, h, c, and ca are already there. They left at the ass crack of dawn this morning and she is going to call me and give me directions to the campsite. I told her that I would leave tomorrow morning because I just wanted to come home and relax tonight and not have what happened last time happen.

Last summer I drove around for 3 hours and became incredibly pissed off because I couldn't find them. This time they're going to an actual campground and I know the general location of how to get there, just not the exact one they're at. So she is going to actually drive to a place that gets cell reception or has a pay phone and call me tonight to give me directions. I mean, let's hope it happens, I think it will. It fucking better since my car is all loaded.

We all know she's not the most punctual person so I don't expect a call anytime soon. I figure they've actually found a spot since last I heard from her they were driving to another place. They're probably setting up camp, drinking some beverages, and hanging out and once they get settled or whatever she'll call. Of course, knowing her she won't call until around 10pm or later when she realizes that she forgot to, but whatever, as long as she does. It's not like I'm driving out there right now to find them tonight.

I'm pretty psyched to get out into the woods (although this is car camping) and do some hiking and use my tent. And we get to snuggle together in it which I always like, have a campfire, all the good stuff. I can't wait to do some backpacking, although it's prime bear season so may need to wait a little while longer to do that. Not that they can't attack regular campsites, but at least I won't be alone in the woods.

So yeah, things have been good lately, in all aspects of my life. My job is trying to get me involved in more stuff since it takes me no time at all to do the work that I have. It's not really all that challenging, but we'll see what happens with this government job and if I get that. Who knows. I mean, this job is okay, and maybe once I've been there longer and get involved in more stuff it'll get more challenging and exciting. Maybe I'll even get to travel some more. Guess at least I have a job finally.