Has it been that long?

Damn, life comes at you fast, just like the commercial says. LOTS of new things in my life. So let's start with the obvious...my employment. As a requirement for my unemployment I have to fill out 5 job applications a week. Riiight, because 5 chemistry jobs that I'm qualified for just open up all the time. So, I've been applying to all kinds of random jobs, mostly ones that I'm either way overqualified for that don't pay shit or ones that I'm completely not qualified for just because.

So I've been doing this for the last 3 months. Last week I apply for a quality control job at this company. I just looked at the requirements and thought, well, I'm definitely not qualified, but what the fuck, I'll apply anyway. And the next day they called me for an interview! Then I actually took a look at the company's website and thought, well, they probably won't hire me because this company imports baby clothes, but what the hell, I'll go.

The interview went well enough and they seemed to like me but I just thought they were being nice. And then they called me the next day and offered me the job! And then they told me that they would pay me what I asked!

I started on Tuesday. It's definitely not my field that's for sure. But, it's a job, and one that pays well. And this just reinforces in me that I need to get my masters and teach some undergrad chemistry. I'm feeling scientific withdrawl. This job will be totally cake once I get it figured out. The people at the company are nice enough and all very willing to make sure I get help with what I don't know. And I get to travel for them. Next week I'm going to exciting Arkansas to take a tour of one of their testing labs. Eventually I'll get to go to Shanghai so that's exciting. I might see if I can make a stop in Japan for a couple days on my way home if I ever do get to take that trip.

So yay, I'm employed! Now I just need to get my application for school finished. Oh, and I signed up for this French class! It starts next month and I'm really excited for it. I really want to become fluent in another language and since I already know enough broken Spanish to get by I decided I wanted to learn French. And kc paid for the class in exchange for the home organization stuff I've been doing for her. I think it was a good tradeoff.

And in kc news I suppose we can go there. We had a good weekend last weekend, except for my drunken hysteria on Friday night. I was just so fucking angry at her and told her and freaked out on her, and the alcohol didn't help my cause. So I ended up driving home around 4:30am because I just couldn't be near her anymore. Or c, because c has a crush on kc, and is always all over her and touching her and hugging her. And kc doesn't like her like that, and I wigged out because I have heard that fucking line before. At least with a I saw it coming. And I really want to believe her, but the way she has been with me lately I guess it doesn't really matter.

She's still in her I'm too busy to hang out with you even though I have good intentions. She lost her cell phone for all of last week so we've actually been having to talk on the phone which is nice. But, fuck, I mean, for all her, we need a date, we should have sex, I miss you crap, she isn't doing a fucking thing about it. This morning she sends me a text (yeah, after a week she finally realized she was never getting her phone back and bought a new one) at 6am saying that she's finally going to bed and if I can't sleep I can come and sleep with her. Except she was going to sleep on her couch. Now, if there's just no real other choice I'll sleep on the couch, it's just been uncomfortable with my ribs because they stiffen up and I wake up in pain. And why the fuck would I leave my comfortable warm bed that I've been sleeping in all night to go lay on a couch that would make me uncomfortable?

I don't know. I told her I was having an argument in my head (which has apparently become code for, I've got some shit to talk to you about). Lately, I just keep playing these scenarios out in my head, arguments between us, and seeing how they would go in an effort to find the best way to tell her stuff. So far it's working, and it's definitely better than a drunken hysterical evening exploding on her.

So, that's what's been going on lately. Today I have to go get the other half of my curtains. I decided to hang some curtains in my bedroom to cut down on the morning light so I could sleep late. Except that it didn't say on the fucking package that it only contained half of the curtains. I suppose they're the first nice thing I've bought for my house since I moved in (aside from the couch) so I didn't mind paying what I did for them. I'm just pissed that the curtain was only big enough for half the window. So now I have go to back to the store today and get the other half. And I got a coupon for a free memory foam pillow when I moved in, that thankfully doesn't have an expiration date, so I'm going to pick that up today. Why the hell not, I shouldn't bend my schedule or what I want to do because kc can't make any fucking time to spend with me.

And at least last weekend I wasn't really worried about it. I had a ton of stuff to do with the rugby girls and it was fucking fun. We worked the beer tent at the festival and I spent most of the weekend with them. Plus kc's mom was in town so I got to see her, and cousin g was here.

Well, now it's Saturday morning. I'm going to enjoy my coffee, finish some laundry (that got neglected all last weekend and has been piling up), take a shower, head over to kc's to see if she wants to go to the store with me, and then do some shit. Maybe I'll lay out on the lawn and work on my tan. I definitely need to clean out my car. There is a show tonight that I might go to that sounds like it'll be fun. So I've got some stuff on my plate to do today whether or not kc actually wants to spend some time with me.

Missing me

Well, I guess patience has its virtues. I have barely seen kc in the past few weeks because she's been busy with school and stuff. So I decided to just give her her space and let her miss me. And I guess she has.

She asked me what I was doing later last night because she wanted to come over and sleep at my house. Then she had a few beers and couldn't drive. So this afternoon she called me saying she had to go to town to do some stuff and since I was going also did I want to meet up later? She said she missed me, feels like she hasn't seen me in forever, which she hasn't. So I guess letting her figure it out on her own was the way to go.

I mean, it sucks, it was kind of agonizing letting her realize it, but I guess the bright side is that she did realize it. And actually hearing her say it (yes, she called instead of texted me like she usually does) was really nice. She said she felt like she hadn't seen me in forever. Which in all actuality she hasn't.

So, I guess it's not all bad that I gotta drive up to rugby practice (which I can't participate in) and have that meeting afterward. We're going to meet up and have a late dinner and get to snuggle and that will be nice. I mean, I'm not getting my hopes up that it will all work out, but she should be done with the project she has to do up there, so hopefully it does.

Who knows, maybe she'll actually come to my rugby tournament on Saturday. I mean, I doubt it since rc will be there, but maybe. And she is going to come over for a BBQ on Sunday with my aunts. I have to pick them up at the airport tomorrow night. I can't wait to see them. They have to be 2 of my favorite relatives that I have, 2 that I am the closest to, 2 that saved me last summer.

I was in a really bad place and I went to spend the week with them. It was just before I became homeless and while I was there was when I found out I was being laid off. I was in a bad place with kc. And I went there for a week and relaxed, unwound, got some shit together in my head, and by the time I came back here I was feeling so much more better. My outlook on life had greatly improved. So I really can't wait to see them!

Looks like it should be a good weekend. My aunts get here tomorrow night, rugby tournament and flip cup tournament on Saturday, BBQ with kc and my aunts on Sunday, and then a day to do whatever with my aunts on Monday. I can't wait!

What about me?

I swear, it's like I feel like I have to suppress shit that I don't want to, and all because kc is busy. I know she's fucking busy, she always is. I know I'm unemployed and have way more free time than I normally do. At least my ribs are better. I can't go running yet (found that out when I tried to run across the street in an effort to avoid being run over by a car) but at least I can ride the bike at the gym. And I did go for a 2 hour nature walk down the trail today.

At least her finals are over on Wednesday. And then maybe I won't get pushed to the backburner. Maybe I won't be a fucking after thought. It's like, do I need to remind her of the conversation we had when everything went down last month? Do I have to tell her that if she can't express her feelings towards me physically then she has to do it verbally? I mean, I don't need verbal, although it would be nice, but if I can't have physical can I have something?

Maybe I'm just feeling super horny right now. Maybe it's PMS. Maybe it's just the month of May that, looking back through last year's entries, seems just to be a bad month for us. I mean, I realize that I can't be dependent upon kc to fill my time, but is it so bad that I want a little time? Fuck, this just seems like it is my usual complaint. It's always time.

It's just that I feel like it's always that she thinks her time is more valuable than mine or something. A couple weeks ago I was sleeping at her house and she came to bed around 2am and we started making out but nope, can't have sex because she has to get up and work on a school project. Except that I can remember countless evenings where I'd go to bed around 11pm since I had to get up for work at 4:45am, and she'd wake me up for sex around 1am. And I'd do it, because, well, I love sex, and I understand what happens to a relationship when you're not getting any. But her reasoning was that she had to focus on school, that it took more brainpower than just sitting at work for 10 hours.

Although, I don't know, I don't like to make excuses. I did rip on her about it and I've talked to her about it, I'm just bitching about it now. Probably because I'm super horny. I mean, I've cut her some slack, I know how much school sucks. But her time management skills aren't exactly stellar. But, whatever. I mean, I knew Wednesday was her last day of class and I still made plans to have lunch with rc. Gotta pay up on the bet I lost and she's got a case of Magic Hat sitting at her house waiting for me.

Maybe I can get kc to actually want to take me on a date Thursday night. I got a call from the comedy place today that they had drawn my name and I won some free tickets to the show on Thursday night, so maybe I can get her to commit to something instead of just waiting for the day of. She did make plans to hang with my aunts on Sunday when they come to visit this weekend so that's progress. And she did follow through with the plans to meet my parents so that's good.

Guess it is just lack of sex that is getting to me right now. And possibly PMS. Okay, yeah, there's definitely some PMS in there. Or maybe I should stop watching Sex and the City. Fuck. I don't know. At least I did something today, I went for a 2 hour long nature walk and took pictures. Then it started raining and thundering and getting all blustery when I got home so at least I got out before the weather got bad. And tomorrow I have to drive to the doctor again before practice. For the last 3 weeks I've been going to see this doctor who is treating my rib injury. And the only reason I have been is because he is treating me for free since I have no insurance.

Damn, I need a fucking job. This is ridiculous, 3 months now I've been unemployed. I'm either comletely over- or under-qualified for every job I apply for. Or they pick someone else. What the hell am I supposed to do? It's like I can't win. On a brighter note, I am going to sign up for this French class that starts next month. I want to learn how to speak French. I would just love to be fluent in another language. I mean, I took 4 years of Spanish in high school, and I remember enough of it to get by, but there is just something about French that makes me want to learn it.

And I did get my tattoo touched up the other day. Hung out with the rugby girls on Saturday and it turned into a big party at my house in the afternoon then we closed down the bar later. We played some croquet on the lawn, which sr and the rest of the girls have now taken to calling the grassy knoll. So at least I'm getting out there. And being able to go to the gym again has been good. There's just something about being able to work up a good sweat that makes me feel immensely better. I wish I could tackle and play in our tournament this weekend especially because my aunts are coming to visit and watch, but it's okay. I should be good enough to play again by summer 7's although I have made a goal of trying to put on 5lbs of muscle weight before next fall.

So at least I'm not spending everyday holed up in my house. It just sucks because I could be backpacking but my ribs hurt too much. I could go hiking more but I can't really afford the gas to fill up my car all that much. But, I think I'm going to make it my goal to get out onto the trail at least 2 or 3 times a week. There's a lot of it to explore. And I can bike, walk, or rollerblade the whole thing. Plus once I can handle bumps I can start riding my bike around town, although I could also just walk since that is better exercise than sitting on my ass on my couch.