My sister has a demon

So my parents were here this weekend. My sister came out too. I had been hearing from my dad and stepmom how bad her drinking was getting but I didn't really believe it. Until I saw her.

She got a bottle of rum at the liquor store and we got some beers, usual standfare for when my family is in town. Then we get back to my house. We had plans to have dinner, my parents got to meet kc, and then watch a show afterward. My sister managed to polish off what was left in my bottle of vodka, drinking it straight and warm which is even more gross, and then proceeded to hit her bottle of rum. But she had already had a few drinks on the airplane and blacked out, shoveled a ton of food in her mouth, and then proceeded to throw up all over my bathroom.

She of course didn't remember any of this. We were late for dinner because she wouldn't get up and shower. Then she proceeded to be a complete bitch to kc, but nice as pie to kc's neighbor who came with us. Then we go watch the show and my sister is being obnoxious during the show wanting me to go to the bar and get her another drink. Like she couldn't get off her ass and get it. She had also been demanding and wanting me to wait on her hand and foot, even though I busted my ribs in my rugby game last Saturday and it hurts to make basically any movement.

Then she made me let her sleep in my car for the 2nd half of the show. We get back home and she proceeds to get pissed at me for not letting her sleep in my bed. I had told her a while back that she could and then I hurt my ribs. I've got myself propped up on all my pillows and sleeping in the middle of my bed. She had been jumping on me all day and I was in a lot of pain and sure as fuck didn't want her in my bed.

So Sunday I made everyone homemade waffles for breakfast and then we were going to go to town and walk around the outdoor mall and have a yummy dinner and then sis had been talking about riding the mechanical bull for the last 3 weeks. Except, during breakfast she was sneaking into the kitchen to hit her bottle of rum, drinking it straight out of the bottle. She thought she was being sneaky except we all knew what was going on.

She was plastered and passed out by noon. She went on a tirade against me and my mom calling us some very angry names because we wanted her to get up and go with us. So we left without her. And basically avoided talking about the elephant in the room for the rest of the day.

When we got home a few hours later she was still passed out on the couch, didn't hear us come in, barely moved all evening. Then she was hungover and annoying the next morning. We were going to go to the Botanic Gardens and have lunch at Hooters but didn't end up leaving the house until 3pm and then she had to eat first. And then made me drop her off at home when we got done eating because she just needed to take another nap.

I also caught her trying to stick her finger down her throat to vomit off my porch. And considering she didn't remember vomiting all over my bathroom the day before, and my neighbors porch below goes out further than mine, I sure as hell wasn't going to let her do that. Not to mention that I would have had to clean it up and we had already cleaned up enough the day before. And since my bathroom is near my bedroom I could hear her vomiting the night she polished off the rest of her rum, the rest of my bottle of Captain, half a bottle of wine I had leftover, and who knows how much of another bottle of rum I had.

She drinks and then binge eats and then feels guilty and makes herself throw up. She was complaining all weekend about how skinny I was and calling herself fat, which she isn't. Her self-esteem is in the drain. And I have no fucking clue how to help her. When she almost got a 2 month jail sentence for her 2nd DUI, she didn't talk to me for a month or so because she got mad at me for suggesting she attend some AA meetings while she was in prison.

My whole family is at a loss as to what to do about it. She can't go on drinking like she is. It's only a matter of time before she gets behind the wheel again. Her boyfriend is no help, he drinks with her and doesn't do anything to try and curb her behavior. Not that you could ever do anything to control my sister, she doesn't have the nickname princess for nothing.

She has been a spoiled brat since we were kids. When it snowed my mom would wake me up to help her shovel the driveway while princess slept. She has always been catered to. And then when she hit high school she started getting all kinds of attention from boys. Boys who would ask me for my number so they could call my sister, tell me that she's so hot and we look nothing alike, or tell me they just want to fuck her. That last one almost got me into a fistfight with a guy.

When she graduated she followed a guy to Florida, where once they broke up she got fake boobs and started bartending. I think that's when her drinking really started to pick up. I mean, I'm no saint, I have done and still do my share of partying. But I'm not drinking a bottle of rum in one day and I'm not sneaking it. I take a cab or have a DD. And I hate vomiting so I don't drink to that point.

Her drinking has just gotten out of hand now. I guess I just didn't want to believe that it was as bad as it is. She kept pushing for me to buy baseball tickets in July, but right now I just don't think I can spend any more time with her. I know that I need to say something to her, which I know will result in her not talking to me for a long time, I just don't know how to do it. I don't know what to say to her. She is in complete denial about her problem, doesn't think there is one, is very defensive about it. Except she's a lousy drunk, she gets angry and mean (and then apologizes when she sobers up, if she remembers even doing it), and it makes me not want to be near her. Our whole family doesn't want to be near her.

So yeah, my visit with my family had its ups and downs. I had a good time separately with my parents. And kc got to meet them at dinner and the show. We were talking about my sister last night and she apparently said something to kc at dinner, on top of just being a general bitch to her. I should have kept her as far away from my sister as possible except they got there before us. But, kc did like my parents I think, and at least she doesn't think that I'm anything like my sister.

Bothered...

But I shouldn't be. I'm not a fucking hypocrit. It would be hypocritical of me to say that I don't want her to hang out with t considering that I see rc a few times a week for rugby practice. And I know that I shouldn't be worried, and kc has told me that I shouldn't be worried.

But I am. Maybe worried isn't the right word. Just aprehensive. I shouldn't be. And it's not like I don't have plans for dinner with rc when she gets back from her vacation. I did lose the bet on the Red Sox/Yankees game so I have to cook her dinner. And rc is bringing me back some special beers for when we have dinner. So why is it bothering me that kc is hanging out with t?

I wonder if kc has the same feelings whenever I go to rugby practice. I wonder if she thinks the same thing every time I make plans to carpool with rc. I'm not sure if I hope she does or not. It's not like I don't trust her and it's not like she can't trust me, it's just that I don't think I could handle the immense amount of pain I would feel if anything were to happen.

She said I don't have anything to worry about. I don't. Guess I was just looking forward to a little snuggle time and maybe some good lovin'. I love sleeping with her and feeling her next to me. Maybe she'll sneak over tonight when she gets done. And some other kid from her class was going over to her house too to work on whatever project it is that she's working on.

Who knows. I don't know why this is fucking with my head so much. I know she wants to be with me, that's what she realized after she fucked this girl. And even weirder was that at the rugby tournament this weekend she ended up playing a game with my team because we were short players. Funny part was she didn't realize who I was until I congratulated her for a good play. She was like, thanks, I'm t. I was like, hi, I'm h. Then she had this knowing look on her face.

It was definitely a little weird but kind of funny. And it's not like I would be outrightly hostile toward her, my sportsmanship is more than that. And for those of us who actually play the sport, or I guess any sport, there's this kind of understanding. I was definitely uncomfortable at first just seeing her there, but then she got recruited to play a game with us and I was fine. Guess it's just the whole her hanging out at kc's house thing that is getting to me.

I don't fucking know. Maybe it's the beers I've been drinking all afternoon that aren't helping my outlook on things. It was a really nice day out today, I got to wear my new cute skirt I got in Ireland, and I was having a good day. Maybe it's my anxiety about getting a job that is rolling over into other parts of my life. Maybe it's the intense boredom that is sinking in with each day that I'm unemployed. Who would have thought that I would like working this much. It's not like I have all that many errands to run, I got everything I needed to do this week done in 2 hours today. What the fuck else am I supposed to do with my time?

Today I got a bunch of books from the library on inorganic chemistry. I want to wow them with my eagerness and knowledge if I do get called back for another interview. But seriously...do I seem like the kind of person who reads up on inorganic radioactive chemistry for fun? I've read more books in the past couple months than I did all last year. All my friends work. I look forward to rugby practice and games because it gets me out of my house and let's me see my friends. I don't have any money to go and do fun things because of my unemployment. At least if it's nice out tomorrow I can ride my bike around town.

Maybe it's boredom that is allowing my brain to run amok with this shit. I need something to occupy my time so my head doesn't think about kc hanging out with t at her house. Although, at this time of night even if I was working I would still be home and relaxing in my pj's and probably having the same shit go through my head. Fuck. Maybe kc will come over tonight. I'm certainly not going to her house, it's almost fucking midnight. Although time doesn't seem to bother her when she's crawling into my bed at 3am.

I need to make my brain shut off. Time to slip into my pj's and crawl into bed with my book. Who knows what time I'll actually fucking end up sleeping, but it's not like I have to set an alarm to get up for work in the morning.

Good Day Together

Well, things are off to a good re-start with kc and I. The week has been well and yesterday was a really good day. It got off to a rocky start when I woke up at kc's house. Still a little troubled about what happened with her and t and I had had some weird dream that people were at my funeral and I just kept seeing faces. Anyway, you know how sometimes you go somewhere and you just get this feeling? Well, I just woke up with this feeling, like a haunted tortured feeling.

At least I told kc about it. So we had a nice snuggle in the morning and by the time we got out of bed and got ready to run errands I was feeling better. We had to stop by the library and then go to my house so that I could call the guy I interviewed with last week. He said they haven't made a decision yet and that I might get called back next week for another interview. It's basically between me and one other person and he said I was a really strong candidate so let's hope it all works out.

So then kc and I went for a drive to look at lava rock for a wall in her backyard. Being unemployed really only has 1 perk, I can do whatever I want during the day. But, at least kc let me get my stuff done first before we went and did her stuff. So we drove around a ton and then her car started making these weird noises. We had to stop at an auto parts store and while she was in the store I went to the liquor store and got a couple 6-packs. So I was drinking a beer in the parking lot while she was working on her car, it was pretty funny. Oh, and I was reading one of my chemistry books to bone up on some stuff in case I do get called back for another interview. It was definitely a funny sight.

Then we drove around to all this art around downtown and took pictures for one of her school projects. We just had a fun time laughing and giggling and it was a really good afternoon. We also got to snuggle on the couch and watch a movie. So yeah, it was a really good day. I missed laughing and giggling with her and kissing her whenever I want.

And I definitely felt more comfortable sleeping there last night. Today went and watched rugby with one of my friends at the stadium so that kc could get some school work done. At least her roommates are gone today so she has the house to herself so she can concentrate. Sometimes she just gets really bogged down with it. I understand about that, I had a ridiculous amount of work when I was in school. And I don't want her to think that I'm distracting her and I know if I was hanging out there I would be distracting her from getting done what she needs to do. This way if she gets it done then she won't be occupied when we do hang out.

Plus, we have spent a ton of time together this week. At least I get to go play some rugby tomorrow and hopefully I find out about this job soon. I would really love for them to call me early in the week and say they want to hire me. I'm starting to get anxious and worried about finding work and right now this is my best opportunity. Plus it's a job that I would be really good at and it doesn't seem like it will be mindless work like my last job.

Things are looking up for me and once I get this job and get a steady paycheck again I'll be a lot happier and more relaxed. I'm really enjoying spending time with kc. And rugby is in full swing. So it's a good time in life for me right now. I just want to keep smiling and laughing and having a good time.

Apologies and Acceptance

So apparently drunk texting isn't the worst thing in the world for me. I went to Houston on Friday for a rugby tournament. I screwed up my shins, they look like I got run over by a car, and I messed up my pinky on my left hand. It sure doesn't move. Practice should be fun today.


Anyway, I sent kc a drunk text on Saturday night. And she said that she was confused and freaked out about what had happened and was really unsure why she was reacting this way. On Sunday went to the beach with some of the rugby girls since we had the late flight out and when I checked my phone I had 3 texts from kc. She was all kinds of concerned about my relationship with rc and wondering what was going to happen there.


But I talked to rc on Friday before I left and we're cool with things. Not going to sleep together again, just be good friends, kind of like my friend from high school. We ended up sleeping together after mm and I broke up and then we realized that we just didn't have that kind of a connection, that we were just meant to be really good friends. Same thing with rc, plus she said she's still messed up about her ex, and she is basically in the same place in life I was last year after al and I broke up.


So I told kc that we were just friends and then asked her what was up with her and t. She said that she couldn't be with her, she has some serious issues (which I would have thought would have made her not want to fuck her in the first place), and can't be with her like that.


We ended up having a text-a-thon for about 3 hours until I had to get on my flight. When I got home I asked her if there was anything else she wanted to talk about and she said yes but that it was a conversation that would be better had in person. So I told her that I was home and in my pj's and if she wanted to come over. She said she had some schoolwork to do and stuff to do around the house but she'd see. I just told her to text me whenever she was done to see if I was still awake.

By 1am when I hadn't heard from her I just went to bed, figured she'd text me the next day. And then I get woken up by her climbing into my bed at 3am. She didn't say anything, I think the only thing I said was what are you doing here. We woke up in the morning and she asked if I had any questions.

Umm yeah, why are you climbing into my bed at 3am? I just asked her what the idea was that she had. We got into this long discussion about gestures of love, I made her apologize for the way she treated me, told her things have to be different. She said that she wanted to have sex with me again, that she had been thinking about it for a while. I told her I was a little hesitant because I don't want to have what happened last time happen again. I told her I need her to be able to verbally express to me about how she feels about me so that I don't withdraw. She doesn't want me to withdraw again. This is basically the last chance for both of us. If it doesn't work out this time it never will.

So, I guess we're back together again. We're at least having incredibly hot sex again. Damn I missed that. She's spent every night this week with me. I told her I'm still a little unsure about going to her house. At least my house is untainted. I told her she should buy a new bed. She said she was thinking about it, that once she figures out if her roof is leaking above her bedroom and gets the wall fixed that that was something she was going to buy.

And at least now when I sleep next to her I can touch her and kiss her and rub her and turn her on and not feel like I'm doing something wrong. I don't have to feel like I have to hold back. And we both agree that as long as we remain open and communicative that things should work out. I'm happy and excited. And I really want things to work. I just have to remember to call her on her shit and tell her when she's being a pain in my ass. I have had the last 4 months to work on that and I think I'm doing pretty well at it since I got used to doing it when we weren't together.

fucked up

Well, the shit hit the fan with kc. I spent Sunday laying on my couch recovering from my rugby game and texting my cute new little rookie, we'll just call her rc; and texting kc. I was certainly doing a little word play flirting with rc just to kind of feel out the situation because I wasn't really sure about what was going on since our ridiculous make-out session Saturday night. We made plans to have lunch on Tuesday and then carpool to rugby practice together.

Except, we drank a bottle of wine at lunch and then just kept drinking and bailed on going to rugby practice. But, kc called me while we were eating lunch and I answered the phone as usual, except she thinks I was talking to her like I talk to al on the phone. rc and I played some strip pool (which I kept losing) and were having a great time making out and flirting and being playful. Then her roommate came home and we all hung out and it was fun.

And then we ended up having sex later in the evening. It was fun and a good time and I would like for it to happen again. Except that kc had called me around midnight to ask me to call her in the morning to wake her up for class and I didn't get the message until this morning. So I stopped by her house this afternoon to give her her phone charger back and the Guinness glass I had got for her in Ireland and just hang out and talk.

So I was hanging out at her house and she got home from class. She was a little distant and then got upset at me for how I had answered the phone yesterday. Then she seemed to get over it and we were talking and I went with her to the library to get some movie she had to watch for her class. We get back from the library and all of a sudden she starts grilling me about what I was doing yesterday and about rc. Then she asks me if I like her in a sexual way and I'm not going to lie so I said yes. Then she asked if I fucked her last night, and, I'm not going to lie, so I said yes. To which she started yelling at me to get out of her house.

Then she texts me that she fucked t on Monday night and that she didn't want to talk to me. I'm just stunned. Not more than an hour before we were having a conversation about how she doesn't want to lose the special relationship that we have. What the fuck? Suddenly it's all different because I slept with someone else, but it doesn't matter that she did too?

She was all, I bet you fucked her Saturday night too after your rugby game. I told her I didn't. She was just all angry and mad at me and all this after she said she didn't want things to be different with us. I mean, I told her a long time ago that if she fucked someone else I would not be okay with snuggling with her. So it really doesn't matter that I had sex with rc, because she had already fucked t, and the outcome would have been the same if I had never slept with rc.

I mean, I just don't fucking get her. All this because she thinks I answered the phone and talked to her like she was just any regular person and not kc. Seriously, did she want me to wait around forever for her to redevelop the desire to fuck me? If she could have just fucked me in the first place we wouldn't be having this problem. If she could have just told me how she felt about me so that I wouldn't be so fucking scared of how I felt about her or to tell her how I felt about her, we wouldn't be having this problem.

So now she's all angry, said some very hurtful things to me on the phone, and I feel like I've lost my best friend. I know, I know, I shouldn't feel this hurt considering all of the pain that she has caused me, but it doesn't change the fact that I love her and still want to have her in my life. She is always going to have a place in my heart but right now it just feels like a giant void.

And I really have no idea what is going on with rc. I laugh so much when I hang out with her. I have a ton of fun being all flirty and fun with her. She is a great kisser and fucking adorable. And we seem to have a lot in common. It's just a good time and I like being happy and I wish this whole kc thing would blow over and she would be normal. I think that really the best thing for me to do is just enjoy having a good time and not think too much about things.

I have to go out of town for a rugby tournament this weekend and rc isn't going so that will be good. I think my big hangups are that she just got out of a 4 year relationship not that long ago and she's on my team. I think though that if we keep having this much fun together and just being relaxed that I could make an exception to my rule about not dating anyone on my team.

I don't know. Yesterday was such a good day. My job interview went well, I had fun flirting with rc and everything else I did with her. The job called me today while I was at the library and wanted me to send them my resume and references and asked when I'd be available to start if I were hired. I hope that's a good sign that they want to hire me. And now my head is all fucked up over this kc thing. I really just want her to get over it. It's not like I could wait around forever for her. And things change, that's life, but I don't see why she wants to cut me out of hers completely.

I mean, the only thing that I could think of is maybe she had some sort of epiphany while she was fucking t. I doubt it, I mean, for all the talking we've done things hadn't changed, so why would I think that that would happen. Or maybe it's just that suddenly she's jealous that she wouldn't be the center of my attention. Or maybe she's sad because she thinks that I won't want to spend any time with her. Who fucking knows, I know I certainly don't.

I just never thought it would play out this way. I always thought it would be her telling me she fucked someone else, which, essentially she did first anyway. And then it'd be me crying and saying that I couldn't snuggle with her. I'm sure that's how she saw it playing out too. Except, probably, in her mind I'd still want to snuggle with her, I'd just want to hear that it was a 1 time thing. And then my head would still be fucked up but at least she'd still be talking to me.

I don't fucking have any idea what to do. I guess there really isn't anything I can do except wait and see if she'll ever get over it. She already told me she was going to fuck t tonight, pretty sure she said that just to hurt me, although the way she's feeling she'd probably do it just to follow through with what she said she'd do. Who knows. From what she told me about t before, she's not someone that kc would ever want to be in a relationship with. Guess I shouldn't really think about it because it's just going to make me sick.