Apologies and Acceptance

So apparently drunk texting isn't the worst thing in the world for me. I went to Houston on Friday for a rugby tournament. I screwed up my shins, they look like I got run over by a car, and I messed up my pinky on my left hand. It sure doesn't move. Practice should be fun today.


Anyway, I sent kc a drunk text on Saturday night. And she said that she was confused and freaked out about what had happened and was really unsure why she was reacting this way. On Sunday went to the beach with some of the rugby girls since we had the late flight out and when I checked my phone I had 3 texts from kc. She was all kinds of concerned about my relationship with rc and wondering what was going to happen there.


But I talked to rc on Friday before I left and we're cool with things. Not going to sleep together again, just be good friends, kind of like my friend from high school. We ended up sleeping together after mm and I broke up and then we realized that we just didn't have that kind of a connection, that we were just meant to be really good friends. Same thing with rc, plus she said she's still messed up about her ex, and she is basically in the same place in life I was last year after al and I broke up.


So I told kc that we were just friends and then asked her what was up with her and t. She said that she couldn't be with her, she has some serious issues (which I would have thought would have made her not want to fuck her in the first place), and can't be with her like that.


We ended up having a text-a-thon for about 3 hours until I had to get on my flight. When I got home I asked her if there was anything else she wanted to talk about and she said yes but that it was a conversation that would be better had in person. So I told her that I was home and in my pj's and if she wanted to come over. She said she had some schoolwork to do and stuff to do around the house but she'd see. I just told her to text me whenever she was done to see if I was still awake.

By 1am when I hadn't heard from her I just went to bed, figured she'd text me the next day. And then I get woken up by her climbing into my bed at 3am. She didn't say anything, I think the only thing I said was what are you doing here. We woke up in the morning and she asked if I had any questions.

Umm yeah, why are you climbing into my bed at 3am? I just asked her what the idea was that she had. We got into this long discussion about gestures of love, I made her apologize for the way she treated me, told her things have to be different. She said that she wanted to have sex with me again, that she had been thinking about it for a while. I told her I was a little hesitant because I don't want to have what happened last time happen again. I told her I need her to be able to verbally express to me about how she feels about me so that I don't withdraw. She doesn't want me to withdraw again. This is basically the last chance for both of us. If it doesn't work out this time it never will.

So, I guess we're back together again. We're at least having incredibly hot sex again. Damn I missed that. She's spent every night this week with me. I told her I'm still a little unsure about going to her house. At least my house is untainted. I told her she should buy a new bed. She said she was thinking about it, that once she figures out if her roof is leaking above her bedroom and gets the wall fixed that that was something she was going to buy.

And at least now when I sleep next to her I can touch her and kiss her and rub her and turn her on and not feel like I'm doing something wrong. I don't have to feel like I have to hold back. And we both agree that as long as we remain open and communicative that things should work out. I'm happy and excited. And I really want things to work. I just have to remember to call her on her shit and tell her when she's being a pain in my ass. I have had the last 4 months to work on that and I think I'm doing pretty well at it since I got used to doing it when we weren't together.