cont'd

So now I'm coming up on the 4 month mark with kc. And while she is a pretty sweet bitchin' chick, there is something gnawing at me. It started when I tried to delude myself into thinking that I could hang out with her, have incredibly fantastic sex, and not get emotionally attached. Holy shit was I wrong!

I think it all started the other weekend when we were having a nice snuggly moment on the couch. Something touched my heartstrings and now I'm a fucking mess. There was some jazz playing in the background, it was relaxing...which of course spells trouble for me.

We went out for a nice lovely dinner on Friday night. This of course leads to conversation, because, I mean, dinner for 2 would be awefully freakin' boring without any conversation. And I could tell that she had something to say, but so did I.

I mean, when we first started dating the sex was constant and it seemed as if everything was just peachy. Maybe I'm just an overly charged person, I think it runs in my family, all of us are charged up. But she could keep up, and I haven't had that in a long time (my ex not so into me in the bedroom, which is sad because I'm pretty damn adventurous and will do almost anything...anywhere, her loss though). However kc is a talker, wants to feel that connection to be the sexually charged person that she is. I'm not much of a talker, I'm not very good at it. I mean, I can be, but I like knowing that someone wants to know stuff about me and enjoy them asking me questions. I enjoy watching other people have conversations and their interactions with each other.

So we get to talking about where things are heading and she says that she was going to tell me that if I can't keep up my end of the conversation that she was going to want to start dating other people. Which is truly sad...because I like this girl. Like, starting to really like her. But, the rest of the evening went well, we had some good conversation about stuff, I gave her an hour long massage (I talk more when I'm doing an activity). However, no nookie, but considering the conversation I guess that was okay, sad, but okay.

Saturday I watched some rugby, got drunk at the field in the afternoon, and then went home for a 4 hour nap. Had a text from kc when I woke up, met her and d, am, and h at the bar for some drinks. Saw some other friends at the bar too, hung out with them, talked to them, but not sure that kc even noticed that kg was totally hitting on me. After a long evening (we saw 4:30am) time to crash...again...no nookie. However, am was passed out on the couch and we were both tired (I know, I need to stop making excuses, but I'm really good at it, so fuck off).

Sunday started off nice enough, although denied the am sex. After that we were just hanging out, then went to look at a house with kc, for her to get some ideas about flooring for her house. At least there was some snuggling on the couch, and her hands down my pants, which was good for me, but I'm a giver too. And part of me getting off is dependent upon me knowing I can get the other person off, that's my emotional connection to sex.

Yesterday was a fairly good day too, worked on my car but had the wrong part. Watched the Red Sox lose to the Yankees, that was sad. Went to bed a bit late, got a 3am wake up call, which was great, but again, no touching on my part. Then we had another conversation about the whole me not talking thing and it was kind of left wide open since kc passed out on me. So I was awake for pretty much the rest of the night (which to be fair, was only about another hour since I get up for work at the ass crack of dawn).

At least she sent me a text saying she was sorry about the conversation, didn't mean to leave it open ended, doesn't want to sleep with other people (at least not yet I guess). And she does want to go to AZ on vacation with me, so I guess that is a good sign.

That's where things stand now...and I really want them to get back to the hot fucking early stages of things. I know she understands why I'm not much of a talker, and she knows that I have it in me, so I guess I'll just have to wait and see if she's up for the challenge. I mean, I'm not looking to get married and settled down right now, so I have time to see where this thing goes, but I hate feeling like my heart is in limbo...