Weekend Update...

Well, Friday after work I left to head up into the mountains for a lovely, peaceful evening of solitude and reflection. It was a nice drive up there, the hike was good, although there was a bit of snow in places so it took about a half hour longer than I anticipated. I still got up to my campsite (my favorite is #1, it's up a hill, very private) with plenty of daylight left. Set up my tent, made my bed, and then sat down in my chair with my book and my bottle of wine. Proceeded to get a little buzz and before I knew it I had to grab my headlamp to continue reading. All in all though, everything went as planned. I got to figure out what was going on in my head and sort through it, and here's what I figured out:

I do like kc, probably more than I should, but I do like her. I don't want it to be only sex. I can't be scared of opening myself up, if bad things come about because of it, I know that it's something I have survived before, and I can't let that timidness inhibit me from my feelings. I realized this when, as I was going to sleep my face brushed against my wool coat and it reminded me of her coat that scratches my face a little when I put my head on her neck. And I missed it. I wanted to put my head in the spot (you know the spot, that spot where suddenly your neck isn't uncomfortable and you can fall asleep easily). I wanted to share the evening with her, the sunset, the peacefulness of it all. And then I had to come to terms with the other stuff.

I realized that I needed her to make more time for me out of all the fucking projects that are going on, that a balance needs to be reached. When we first started dating I was really busy with work, rugby, basketball, and salsa dancing lessons. This kept me occupied. And she was in school so she had her own shit to do during the day and homework at night. And both of us being busy made me not notice just how many projects she has going on (and the number has increased dramatically since school is out). But she still made time for me during that time, would drive up to my house once or twice a week to come and sleep with me. But I haven't been as busy for the last couple of weeks, not until rugby starts again in a week, and at least softball starts on Thursday. So me not being busy has made me more aware of the amount of time that she has to devote to each of these projects.

So I came out of the woods late Saturday morning, very relaxed, slightly chilled, but peaceful inside. Had 2 texts when I finally reached a place with cell service: #1) Ok, enjoy. ENJOY. And I would like you to come to my house because I love sleeping in late mornings with you and going to bed with you at night. #2) And don't get eaten by any mountain lions, if they try to fuck with you, slit his throat with your fucking knife.

So, I take that to mean that yes, she does enjoy spending time with me, wants to spend time with me, and is concerned for my well being. So I sent her a message that I was home safe, and then she sent me one that she wanted me to go to her house. I asked if she was busy with projects and she said that s was there working on the hearth pad. I told her to call me back when she is done. So I watched some movies on my couch and relaxed a bit and went down there a little bit later. I really didn't want to sit around watching her do work, it's not very much fun for me because I can't help.

We went to am's place and met her and d for some really late dinner, had a few too many glasses of wine, and crashed there. Woke up late Sunday morning, then went back to kc's house to take a shower and go to the art festival. She was supposed to be working on projects for her house, but didn't want to (FINALLY!). So while she was in the shower I sat in there and finished getting ready, did my nails, and we had a nice talk. A good talk. I told her that I was feeling a bit neglected because of all of her projects and that part of it was because I wasn't too busy right now (although this week looks like hell) and most of it was because she needed to find a way to balance out the things in her life (projects, the neverending stream of people going to visit her at her house, spending time with me). And she agreed, which is good.

And then she got a message from d saying she was running late (we were supposed to meet at 3pm) and then another message from am saying that she wasn't feeling good and wasn't going to go. This left us with some time in the afternoon for some good lovin' before we had to walk downtown. And that was nice, at least she is finally out of that funk. And I mean, what better way to spend an hour or so on a Sunday afternoon than naked with a hot girl? So after that we walked downtown (I like that she wants to hold my hand in public and put her arm around me, it's nice to be with a girl who isn't afraid of what other people might think about it) and looked at the pretty things and met d and r. Had a late lunch/early supper at a cute cafe, walked back to kc's, and then took a nice nap while attempting to watch a movie. Then we had to go to my house to make cupcakes for a party the next day. Stayed up until 1:30am making cupcakes (kc fell asleep in my bed, she has the cutest sleepy face), but at least I did squeeze in a 3 hour nap earlier so it wasn't that bad.

So Sunday was PBR and cupcakes during the BB with the rugby girls. That was pretty fun, I mean, what better way to start off a Sunday morning with some good breakfast, coffee, and then special cupcakes and beer (and when I say morning, I had a beer in my hand by 7:30am)? After that was done we went back kc's and went for a lovely bike ride around the city. Stopped back down at the art festival where kc bought a piece (interesting, a girl's face painted or acryliced onto a piece of sheet metal, interesting medium that's for sure), and then continued our bike tour of the city. At least I am slowly learning my way around and wasn't completely lost, I knew where I was for a pretty good portion of the ride. And we got to make out at multiple stops, one of my favorite activities.

That was my weekend. Just the fact that after our talk she didn't talk about projects for 2 days and was able to relax and spend some time with me was good. I needed that, I needed the attention (not that I'm a center of attention person, but you know, some affection from the person you're dating is nice), I needed to know that she does want to spend time with me and is capable of letting go of a few things and relaxing for a day or two. This week may or may not be different than last week, but at least we have a date set for Friday night. Who knows if she'll come to my house some night this week, I doubt it, but at least the project is a tangible one that will be completed by the end of the week, one that you can see the results of immediately (which will hopefully give her a sense of completion and a better feeling about getting the other shit around her house done).

That's where it stands, and hopefully she will be able to find that balance, because I like her, and I can't be scared of that. Part of our talk ended up about what we talked about last week, about me not knowing my feelings and where they stand. She asked if it was because I was afraid of getting hurt and I told her a little, but more just afraid that if I do develop stronger feelings that they won't be returned. She understood and let it go at that. At least we are talking, at least I am finding my voice and telling her how I feel about things. So keep your fingers crossed that maybe she'll make it to my house one night this week, but I've got a lot of shit to do after work myself, so who knows. But, maybe she'll send me some cute texts and e-mails since she knows I like them. And then we get to go out for First Friday, so I have something to look forward to, and since she does too hopefully that will inspire her to get the whatever it is done that she needs to in order to be able to relax and have a good time with me.