Too much time together

So yeah, I mean, I brought this up to her the other day. We have been spending a lot more time than normal together, at least for us. And kc says it's because she knows that soon enough she won't be able to snuggle with me and she wants to have snuggle time for as long as possible. Are you fucking kidding me? There was a lot more that went on in this conversation too.

We were down in the basement and I was watching her do a project and just talking to her. This was already after I had just spent an hour talking to my sister, who, as usual, never asked me how I was doing or what was going on in my life. Not that I could tell her everything since I was at kc's house (see my problem?) and I couldn't exactly divulge the information about what happened the other Friday night.

Back to the conversation. Yeah, so we start talking about what's been going on recently. I asked her why she was wanting to spend so much time with me since even when we were together we didn't spend this much time. She says it's because she loves the relationship that we have right now, that she loves snuggling with me, that I make her feel happy and peaceful, but she still doesn't want to have sex with me. Although she did say that she still thinks I'm hot which is a good thing, although I have no idea what that really meant.

Then we started talking about the other girl situation. There is this girl in one of her classes that she sort of likes, but doesn't want to do anything about since this girl t is a bit of a crazy partier and, oh yeah, get this, also plays for BI. So that should make for an interesting game when we play them next weekend. And to make things even more fun, she just randomly stopped by kc's house on Friday night...with a friend and a 6-pack. That was awkward, and interesting. I guess kc has told her about me, that we used to date, that we still hang out and snuggle but that we don't have sex. Talk about fucking weird!

So I asked kc what she would do if this girl came onto her since she said she doesn't want to make a move on her. She said she'd probably go along with it just to see where it went. That didn't exactly didn't make me feel like sunshine and roses that's for sure. I mean, I know we don't have a relationship, and I told her that I can't hold a torch for her, but still. Hearing that someone who you want to make some kind of miraculous turn-around and realize that the perfect girl is sitting there right next to her would be open to sleeping with someone else doesn't exactly have a way of bringing a smile to your face.

Of course, I suppose, on my end of things, I haven't exactly been forthcoming about the sm situation. Although, kc said that it would be a sad day for her when I find someone else, she said she definitely doesn't want to know if I sleep with anyone else. Ironically, she said she'd be able to tell. So much for her psychic properties.

I don't know, it just seems like a really fucked up situation. The more I try and look at it from an outside perspective, the more fucked up it seems. I asked kc if she would ever date someone who wouldn't want her to hang out with me and she said no. Who knows, maybe somewhere down the road she will wake up and realize what she is missing out on. I did tell her that sometimes I want to shake her and throw her against a wall and try and put some sense into her. She said she kind of likes how things are right now with us because she thinks that I'm being more honest and communicating better with her in this situation than when we were dating.

I told her I don't know how much longer I can do this. It is hard sleeping with her and snuggling with her, and yet I love it so much. And I did tell her that it really sucks because she is getting everything that she wants out of this situation and I'm not. She gets her cake and she gets to eat it and I get left with an almost pre-menstrual chocolate craving. I almost feel as if stopping snuggling with her would maybe make a point, or it will drive her into someone else's arms. I guess it doesn't really matter since at some point she'll end up there anyway.

Fuck my head is screwed. At least I got an invitation from a friend to hit up a bar on Friday night and see this band play. I told h that I'd go to her birthday party on Friday night, but since it's at kc's house and I have no idea who is invited or who will show up, I'm going to go watch this band play and then maybe stop over later. So yes, at least I'm accepting invitations to go other places and with other people. I am taking some steps in the right direction.