Overall this weekend was really good. I got to do some socializing with the rugby girls on Friday night, then play some rugby on Saturday (we won 2 games, tied 1), and then got to spend a bit of time with kc.
I like spending time with her, especially after I have been able to spend time doing the other things I like to do. It just makes me a much happier person overall, and then that happiness just spreads over into all the other areas of my life.
Aside from the fact that it's 4:30am and I have about 3.5hrs left of work, I'm doing pretty well. Once the sun comes up I'll be much better. Sleep feelings are starting to settle in, I'm on my 3rd cup of coffee, and there isn't really any work to do. But I'm trying to keep the positives in mind: no more alarm clock going off at 5am, I will be able to keep up with kc's night owl lifestyle, I like the people I'm working with much better than those other two idiots I had to deal with, and I am getting paid an extra 15%. If that isn't enough to make me happy about having to work graveyards then I don't kow what is.
Back to my indecision with kc. So, with all this "L" talk going on between d and m, and now I guess s and her new chick kt, I have no idea what it is doing to kc. One minute she'll be telling me about this article she read about the chemistry of "L" and very open to it, and then the next she looks as if she is incredibly glad that neither one of us has said that.
The article talks about the different chemicals in the brain and what the difference is in those chemicals between the initial crazy lusting stages of a relationship and the chemicals that are in your brain once you have established the committed, spending a long time together aspect.
I have no idea what all this talk means for us. I can't tell if she is thinking that this is heading toward something long term or if she just wants it to remain in the lusty intial stages part. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm really enjoying the lusty party, however I think that there can be lots of lust in a committed relationship.
It doesn't really matter, no matter how I'm feeling, unless some drunk urge comes over me, I will not be dropping an "L" word anytime soon. Despite the fact that sometimes I do say it in my head (which makes me scared to be drunk around her for fear that it will accidentally slip out), the actual words will not be coming out of my mouth. I think that people mistake those initial head over heels feelings for something deeper than what they are and if those 3 little words ever do pop out of my mouth I want them to have meaning, not something that is said too early, on a whim, or in a fleeting moment.
I really like her and I think that she knows how I feel about her, and can tell that she really likes me, so there is no sense in rushing into something that once said, could potentially change the course of the relationship. Besides, if the long term part is meant to happen then it will, whether or not those 3 little words are said out loud or remain unspoken, they can still be spoken in a gaze, holding her hand, and just being there.
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