Less talk, more action

So I know I'm always talking about things that I want to do, but then I always overthink them and overanalyze, and then they never get done. Well, lately I've been doing a lot of doing. I booked my plane ticket to Ireland to go see bfr. And I can't fucking wait! It's going to be so much fun. There is so much that we need to catch up on, considering the last time I saw her was a little over 2 years ago at my commitment ceremony to my ex. I mean, we still keep in contact, but there's just something about actually sitting down with your best friend over a pint and pouring your heart out.

I must admit, I'm a bit terrified of flying over the ocean, but people do it everyday, so I'll just down a couple glasses of wine before my flight leaves and hopefully sleep most of the way. And getting to see bfr will be so incredibly worth it. And in Ireland no less! Plus this will be just the 2nd time I've ever had to use my passport. I mean, I've been to Canada and Mexico, but you didn't used to need a passport for that so those don't really count.

And today I sat in the tattoo artist's chair for over 4 hours getting my new piece of body art done. It's an early birthday present to myself, and something that I've been dying to get for the past couple of years. I have a tattoo for every year I was in college, except for my 2nd senior year, which was 5 years ago. When the ex and I moved out here I decided on what I wanted, just never got around to doing it. And then we broke up and I really wanted to get it, but I had to dig myself out of the financial mess that I was in (word of advice: never get a joint checking account, especially if you're making more money). So in the past year I've managed to clear $7000 worth of credit card debt, another $1000 for the loan that the ex and I took out for our commitment ceremony (yeah, the loan sure did last longer than the marriage), and almost paid off my car.

I had told kc that I wanted a columbine and she had a picture of one. I was supposed to use that one, but the girl at the tattoo shop lost it about 2 minutes after I left. But, she printed out some pictures and came up with a pretty sweet design, so while it's still what I wanted, I guess at least I don't have a permanent reminder of kc on my back. Although, because I wanted this flower before I ever met kc, I don't think that it will make me think of her when I look at it. And the tattoo girl did a really great job on it. I believe in letting the artist use their talent to enhance the design. All of my tattooes are originals, most of them I've drawn myself, I just couldn't get this one how I wanted it.

And in news that I'm sure most will be happy about, I got my flirt on with one of the BI girls on Saturday night at the bar. Here's the weekend recap...went and hung out with the rugby girls on Friday night, at their place, out of cell service range, so I wouldn't be tempted to be looking at my phone all night long and wondering about kc. Went snowboarding on Saturday and then Saturday night got talked into going to a couple of the different gay bars in town. I've never been to these particular ones, mostly because I hate country music and that's about all that was getting played. However, since there was a free keg at one of the bars and my friend buying me shots all night long at the other (I told her to get me into a country bar I had to be good and liquored up) I was down.

BIh invited us to the first party and so I got to flirt with her there. And then we left for the 2nd bar and told sr to text her if I wanted her to go to the other bar. So sure enough we get to the 2nd bar and I tell sr to text her and say that yeah, she should come to this bar. And she did! I think she kinda likes me so that's cool. Got to see kg, haven't seen her in forever, saw a bunch of other people there that I haven't seen in a long time. However, by this time in the evening ta had bought me a bunch of shots and I had had a large amount of beer with not that much food to eat. So, I'm really not sure what I said to BIh when I was flirting with her. Hopefully nothing too bad, it's fun flirting with her. And I made the girls take my cell phone away from me so that I wouldn't be tempted to send any drunk texts to kc. Which thankfully they did, and stuck with, until I woke up the next morning.

There's just one major drawback to BIh, and that's her occupation. She's going to be a cop and I just really take issue with someone whose career involves carrying a gun, considering my predisposition to hating them, oh and my penchance for recreational usage of certain things. Although, I do think I told her to call me when she's officially a cop and gets the uniform. I got something with uniforms. Plus, I need to get this whole kc thing sorted out, and I barely know her. I wouldn't mind hanging out with her and getting to know her more, but I don't think I could get involved right now. That's just a little too much on my plate at this juncture. Plus, I've decided that I need to get to know someone before I jump into bed with them, well at least her, I don't want her to be a one-nighter, although I'm sure that part would be pretty hot.

Anyway, at least I'm getting out there and doing things. And 10 days in Ireland with no cell reception will certainly allow me to take my mind off of kc for a little while. Plus, she doesn't get back until next weekend on Sunday, and then I'll have to work. And then I'm getting out of town for my birthday. So I've got stuff planned and hopefully I can find a new job where my hours aren't totally crappy. And I've got an appointment with the energy healer in a couple weeks so hopefully that will also help me, especially emotionally.

So there's only a couple of weekends that I can hang out with kc inbetween now and when I leave for Ireland. And who knows, maybe when she comes back from Hawaii she'll have figured out what the fuck she wants to do with me. Yes, I know, GFY, I should just be peacing out, but it's a little late for that since my damn heart got involved. Although, maybe if I did tell her I love her, that would scare her off for good. Or it wouldn't. I don't know, still doubt that will be coming out of my mouth anytime soon, if at all. And in the meantime it won't hurt to have a little harmless flirting going on with BIh, wouldn't be the first time I've done it.

Who knows what will happen between now and a month from now. Who knows what will happen after I get back from Ireland. Shit, I don't even know what will happen next week, or this weekend for that matter. I would like things to be figured out with kc but hell if I know when that will happen. I would like her to do something special for me for my birthday, considering that was when we met a year ago, although I'm not going to hold my breath. It's like she has her moments, where she can be the most perfect person in the world for me, and I wish that those moments weren't so few and far between. When she feels like it, she can be the sweetest, most attentive and affectionate person, the person that I fell for. And then she has her moments where I wonder why the hell I'm still there.

Oh well, such is my rollercoaster. Eventually the ride will slow down, but right now it's still spiraling and probably heading for a corkscrew. As long as it doesn't fall off the tracks I'm pretty sure I'll be okay. And who knows, I'm pretty sure people have survived worse things than heartache.