Feeling better

Okay, I sat myself down last night, put on some music, and cleared my head. And I'm definitely feeling much better now. I just told myself that I can't let kc drag my mood down into some funk. I just can't keep dwelling on what she is or isn't doing, or who she is or isn't doing. I just can't. It's just really not worth the mental taxation and stress. I'm going to open myself up to other possibilities if they come along, although I don't have any time to go looking for them.

I'm not much of a pursuer anyway, I'm more of a likes to be pursued kind of girl. Could explain why nothing has happened with BIh at least. Or maybe it's because I probably made an ass out of myself the last time I saw her. It's all good though, there are lots of other women out there for me to meet someday. And hey, I'm pretty good at redeeming myself. Hell, given the chance, I'm the best girlfriend that someone will ever have. They just don't realize it until it's too late.

Well, that might be an oversimplification. My high school girlfriend and I never would have made it, she was just never motivated enough and I sure as hell wasn't going to get stuck in my hometown. Although, I mean, I don't wish her ill will or anything, and I do hope that she has found someone good to her, but compared to her other girlfriends that I've seen or known, I was definitely the best. But, it was high school, and I graduated and went to college and she stayed there. Who knows what she's doing now.

My college girlfriend, the ex ex, I can't necessarily say the same thing for. We had a good time when we were together, but we just wanted very different things out of life. Someday I want to have kids, for her it was a definite no. I wanted to get away from the east coast, she has chosen to stay there. And from what I can tell, her girlfriend now is great for her, whereas, her and I could probably be pretty good friends. Though, I think she'd be really great friends with kc, they have incredibly similar interests.

The similarities between kc and the xx are eerily similar. I'm not sure what that means. Both of them are/were art history majors. And for some reason they really liked this science dork. They have great energy and personality and are really outgoing and sociable. And yet they liked socially retarded me. I'm pretty much socially retarded around anyone who isn't a rugby player. I have no idea why. We have great conversations and really good times together.

There are some major differences for me though. With the xx, I gained about 150lbs, though I've stayed the same weight with kc. kc likes to do other crazy activities, like caving and teaching me how to ride a motorcycle. And we just have a really great time together, when she's not being a pain in the ass. And therein lies my problem, and why it is so hard for me to leave. Which is why I've decided that I just can't let it get to me, and that I need to be open to other possibilities.

It's good though, my mood has been much improved since yesterday. I can't say the same for kc's mood though, she's been a grumpy pain since we had dinner at gs's. Sometimes she gets like this, gets in this whole, I just want to be alone mood. Hopefully maybe she'll be lifted out of it and come to my party tomorrow night. Doubtful, at least about the party, maybe she'll want to come over later and snuggle. Or at least make plans for some evening to make up for ditching me on Tuesday night, well, not ditching, but not exactly following through with plans as they were originally scheduled.

At least no matter what happens I'm not going to let it get to me. I have a lot of stuff to get done before I leave for Ireland and hopefully I can take care of most of it this weekend. It just seems like there is no way I can get it done, even though it's not that much, mostly because I want to take a couple days and just relax and not do anything except be a bum since once I get back from Ireland it will be serious job hunt time unless I hear back from that guy before I leave. I'm just glad I'm feeling better, I hate being in a funk.