Overthinking

I really wish that I could stop my fucking brain from going off on a tangent that it doesn't need to. It's pointless, useless, and only succeeds at getting me worked up about something that I just don't need to be worked up about. At least not yet. Or at least that's what I keep trying to tell myself.

Ever since we had that stupid conversation the other weekend about who we'd have sex with I can't stop having these horrific thoughts, every single fucking time she goes to her damn class on Monday and Wednesday nights. Today for example, I just keep having this thought that right now, she's not alone.

Realistically, I know that she had a project to finish for another class and is probably working on that. She's not the best about responding to messages so on days other than this, it really doesn't bother me. However, on days like today, my brain starts going into fucking overdrive and I just wish so much that I could turn it off and not have these thoughts just running through my head.

Why the fuck did we have to have that conversation? I knew it was a bad thing as soon as she asked me that question. And it's not helping that every time I come to work people ask if I've heard back from my job interview I had last week. So I have that weighing on my mind too. And all this fucking romantic Valentine's Day crap is fucking with my head.

kc is supposed to come over for dinner tonight since I have to work Valentine's Day night. I sent her a drunk text/invitation on Saturday night and she said she would come over and bring a movie and something to eat for dinner. I sent her a text earlier tonight asking what time she was coming over and haven't heard anything back from her yet. She probably got baked once she was done with her project and passed out on her couch for all I know. However, a response would have been nice.

Even putting on some music and making my lists for Ireland aren't helping. I'm trying really hard to not bite off what is left of my nails that I tore apart the other day. I've been trying to stop biting them, sort of a New Year's resolution, although since I've been trying for the last couple years I don't expect miracles overnight. Fucking brain. Just turn off already.