Yeah, yeah, it seems like all I do is bitch about kc. Today we had a wonderful text-a-thon. Oh yeah, first things first, she thought that I meant to have dinner on Valetine's Day when I sent her that drunk text on Saturday...I'm pretty fucking sure it went something along the lines of...since I have to work on Thursday would you like to have dinner on Tuesday at my house for Valentine's Day? However, pothead that she is thought that I asked if she wanted to have dinner on Thursday. Um...pay some fucking attention, I work on Thursdays...and I have been...for the last 4 months. Yes, I understand they changed my schedule...but I still work on Thursdays.
So since she bailed on dinner I figured I'd stay up all day and just go to bed early and sleep all day. And then she texts me to say that I can hang out at her house, but she's going to be doing schoolwork, but wouldn't mind studying to some movies. Okay, cool, fine. And then I get a we'll be there in 20 minutes text. Turns out we ended up having dinner at gs's house and then went home...me to my house and her to hers. She said she was in some weird mood and just wanted to do school work and have some time apart. Said she doesn't want to spend too much time with me but that she does want to snuggle. Great, take all the space and fucking time that you want.
Today we ended up having the text-a-thon. I told her I wished that we had never had that stupid conversation about who we'd have sex with, and then she thought that I was worried about h or that stupid chick who's been leaving her creepy messages on MySapce. Uh, no, how about I'm worried about the chick in your class who you said you'd sleep with. She told me not to worry about it, hardly reassuring, but at least she hasn't fucked her yet. Then I told her that she needs to be more upfront about shit, like, if she knew she didn't want to sleep with me last night then she should have just told me. Don't get my hopes up about something that isn't going to happen.
I can't wait for my job to end and to be on vacation. I can't wait to clear my head by getting who knows how many thousands of miles away. Some bfr time will do me good, get some sense back into me. I can't wait to not be making this stupid 45 minute drive every day, and even longer in the morning since it's supposed to start snowing any minute now. I don't think I should've had that turkey burger for dinner because I have the worst stomach ache right now, it's like a beast eating my insides.
I need to just tell her that I can't keep holding out hope for that much longer. I just don't think that I have that much strength. It's just too hard and draining, especially if she isn't making any effort. And it's not like she can't see it, and maybe I'd have more energy if I could get a decent nights sleep, but for some fucking reason people don't realize that when you say that you work the night shift, it means, don't fucking call me during the day when I'm sleeping. I've been keeping my phone on lately in case I get any job calls, but it sucks because then I hear all the other people calling or texting me.
And to top that off, some neighbor needs to change their smoke detector battery. It's been beeping for 2 days now and it's really annoying. I thought it was the guy who lived across from me, I hadn't seen his lights on the other day so I didn't know if he was home. But I saw him tonight on his patio, I think trying to hear the beep and figure out where it's coming from. At least it isn't keeping me awake, but it's still obnoxious.
So no sleep plus tummy ache equals me being a grumpy bitch. At least after tonight I only have 1 more night left at this hellhole. Then I'm having an unemployment party at my house on Friday night, because, well, I fucking can. Who knows if kc will show up for that, she said she was getting drunk on Thursday night because her school week was a nightmare. I told her she could send me drunk texts while I was at work. So she'll probably spend all day Friday with a hangover and be a hermit at her house and not want to be around all the drunks at my house, depending on how many people actually show up.
I try not to expectations about parties. I'm not so good at them, it always seems like I go overboard with preparing, and then hardly anyone shows up. So I try to reign it in and be realistic. Of course, if I'm lucky, it will bite me in the ass some night, but since I don't really get my hopes up about stuff like that, I don't worry about it.
Okay, time to turn on the radio, put some good music on, and start clearing all this negative energy out of my system. It's not helping my tummy ache and it's certainly not helping my mental state. Maybe I'll work on my list of shit I need to do this weekend, and my list of stuff to pack for Ireland. I've been working on a project at my house, I have a bunch of photo albums that are falling apart so I've been scanning all my photos onto my laptop, and as an added bonus I'm going to bring my laptop to Ireland so I can show bfr what I've been doing with myself since the last time I saw her. Yes, time to put some good energy into my system.
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