Torture

I can't wait to get out of here. My job is finally over, so these will actually be written at a time other than 3am, unless I'm lying awake with a ton on my mind that I just need to expunge. Now if people will just stop asking me if I've found anything yet that'd be fucking great. Don't you think that if I had found anything yet I'd be a lot more excited and animated and be telling everyone? Hopefully I hear back from the job I interviewed for a couple weeks ago, I sent him yet another follow-up e-mail today. But fucking academics are so damn slow, that hopefully I'll know by the time I come back from Ireland.

I went snowboarding on Monday with sr, that was fun. Except when some dumb fucking teenager barrelled into me and knocked me into this older woman and we both went crashing down. And now I have ice burn on my stomach, and of course right on my waist line so that when I put pants on, or lean against counters, or try to type with my laptop in my lap, it hurts. And then we had practice and of course we did a ton of tackling.

Now, separately, both activities give me a lot of pleasure and happiness. We all know there is nothing more that I love than snowboarding and playing rugby. However, I hurt. Tackling practice is always a tough one, and we were inside on a turf field, which is of course cement underneath and I got dropped on my hip and kicked a few times. How am I supposed to have short skirt/long jacket night with bruises all up and down my legs? Guess we'll just have to move that night to the end of my trip.

Of course, bars are dark and the chances of me getting hit on by some hot lesbian are probably pretty slim, although I am going to go to bfr's gaelic football practice, so maybe I could get lucky and there will at least be some eye candy there. That'd be fun, work on my flirting skills, and I get to try something new, which I always love, and I won't be here.

I won't be here to be tortured by kc. I have to talk to her about this. It's just becoming harder and harder for me to snuggle with her and sleep with her and hold out some hope that she is ever going to want to have sex with me again. Maybe she is still trying to figure it out, work through whatever it is that is preventing her from doing it. But I just really can't sleep next to her without wanting to rip all her clothes off and I'm just bubbling over and about to explode and that's just not a good situation for me to put myself in if I'm feeling that sexually frustrated.

Seriously, my forearms are starting to get more developed than they have ever been in my life, and there is really only one explanation for that. Or maybe I should stop reading the dirty books. Although, at least there is only 3 in the series and I'm about halfway done the 3rd one, I'm not sure what that says about me. But, I read a lot, might as well read something stimulating, although maybe it shouldn't be stimulating in that way.

And I just feel like maybe I'm at the point in my life where the one-night stands aren't as fun as they were in college. Not that I had a lot in college, but all of my relationship endings resulted in a good evening of rebound sex. Of course, we all know what the ex's rebound resulted in...a 1 year something with kc. So now what, I have 2 rebounds I need to make up for? I just don't think that I have it in me, although I guess time will only tell. I just can't take any more of this torture, of this lying next to someone, my heart screaming and melting, and not being able to do a fucking thing about it.