cabin fever

I need to get the fuck out of my house. I went to the gym yesterday. How fucking exciting. At least I got a call from the guy today that they may have another explosives job opening up in the next week or so. He is really pushing for me to get a job at that company. I guess that's a good thing, at least someone wants me to get a job besides me. So what if he gets a finders fee, at least I get a decent paying job, so it works out in the end.

I think I would suck at being independently wealthy. I would be bored off my rocker, although at least if I was wealthy I could travel and go to exciting places and not be worrying about how much I need to raid my savings to pay my bills. Yeah, more excitement, I filed for unemployment yesterday. Except, they want you to fill out at least 5 job applications a week, yeah, because 5 chemist jobs are just opening up every week that I'm qualified for that will actually pay me somewhere near what I want.

Yesterday I tell kc that I'm starting to get cabin fever and she's all, you need to hang out with people. Um, you're the only person I know who doesn't work, besides your roommates. Everyone works...except me. At least right now. And this whole hanging out at my house thing is just making me think more.

Last week kc was all, come over, hang out, it'll be fun. Except, the more this week goes on, the more I feel like last week was really, come over, hang out, keep my cousin occupied so I can do my own shit. And h invited me to her birthday party on Friday, except I asked kc about it, and she wants to have the night to herself. Whatever, I'm going to go to the bar with m and watch this band she says is good, and maybe call kk and see if she wants to join since I haven't seen her in a while

I wonder how much physical activity we're going to do at practice today. It looks nice out, maybe I can find the trail and go for a run. As much as I hate running it at least clears out my head and after a few minutes my brain goes blank and I'm not thinking about anything except how much I hate running. And I do need to start whipping myself into shape. I would really like our team to win our friendly next weekend against BI. I think we have a shot of it. And I need to stop thinking about kc.

Bummer I'm not the least bit attracted to m, but maybe she'll have some friends with her at the bar. And there was some super butch eye candy at the gym yesterday. She was ripped, but looked a little short, however was pretty nice to look at, and well, that always makes going to the gym more pleasant. She also had some bitchin' tattoos, and well, we all know that I like tattoos. So, maybe she can be some eye candy inspiration.

Oh, and in other small world hell news...apparently one of the girls on my team used to play rugby on another team with t. And I guess after the match last Saturday t and another rookie went and partied it up with some of my girls. No idea what happened there, guess they all had a drunken good time, I'm just glad that I didn't go up there because that would have just been weird. It's like, at first I couldn't get away from d, and now I can't get away from t. At least with d it was easier to escape, she was just friends with a BI girl. However, t being friends with some of the girls on my team, fuck I sound like I'm high school.

It's just, it's like, if I'm ever to get kc out of my fucking head, I don't need all these little reminders of people that she'd like to fuck. And rugby is my sanctuary, it is the place where I can escape from my relationship hell. And this situation is getting a little too close to my sanctuary. I mean, I'm sure she's a great person, and if kc wasn't tied into this situation I'd probably have a lot of fun hanging out with her and the BI girls. But since I know that kc would totally give in to her coming onto her I can't get that out of my fucking head.

Sad part is that I've told kc that sometimes I think that she should just do it and get it over with, that it would probably make it easier for me. Of course, I also wish that the whole time she's doing it that images of me are running through her head, but that's not going to happen. But she's torn about it because she knows that I won't be around to snuggle with her and fulfill that part of her. And maybe she should have to live through that personal hell, fuck I have been, so maybe she can try and walk a mile in my shoes for a change. Maybe then she'd appreciate everything that I've gone through.