Overall this weekend was really good. I got to do some socializing with the rugby girls on Friday night, then play some rugby on Saturday (we won 2 games, tied 1), and then got to spend a bit of time with kc.
I like spending time with her, especially after I have been able to spend time doing the other things I like to do. It just makes me a much happier person overall, and then that happiness just spreads over into all the other areas of my life.
Aside from the fact that it's 4:30am and I have about 3.5hrs left of work, I'm doing pretty well. Once the sun comes up I'll be much better. Sleep feelings are starting to settle in, I'm on my 3rd cup of coffee, and there isn't really any work to do. But I'm trying to keep the positives in mind: no more alarm clock going off at 5am, I will be able to keep up with kc's night owl lifestyle, I like the people I'm working with much better than those other two idiots I had to deal with, and I am getting paid an extra 15%. If that isn't enough to make me happy about having to work graveyards then I don't kow what is.
Back to my indecision with kc. So, with all this "L" talk going on between d and m, and now I guess s and her new chick kt, I have no idea what it is doing to kc. One minute she'll be telling me about this article she read about the chemistry of "L" and very open to it, and then the next she looks as if she is incredibly glad that neither one of us has said that.
The article talks about the different chemicals in the brain and what the difference is in those chemicals between the initial crazy lusting stages of a relationship and the chemicals that are in your brain once you have established the committed, spending a long time together aspect.
I have no idea what all this talk means for us. I can't tell if she is thinking that this is heading toward something long term or if she just wants it to remain in the lusty intial stages part. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm really enjoying the lusty party, however I think that there can be lots of lust in a committed relationship.
It doesn't really matter, no matter how I'm feeling, unless some drunk urge comes over me, I will not be dropping an "L" word anytime soon. Despite the fact that sometimes I do say it in my head (which makes me scared to be drunk around her for fear that it will accidentally slip out), the actual words will not be coming out of my mouth. I think that people mistake those initial head over heels feelings for something deeper than what they are and if those 3 little words ever do pop out of my mouth I want them to have meaning, not something that is said too early, on a whim, or in a fleeting moment.
I really like her and I think that she knows how I feel about her, and can tell that she really likes me, so there is no sense in rushing into something that once said, could potentially change the course of the relationship. Besides, if the long term part is meant to happen then it will, whether or not those 3 little words are said out loud or remain unspoken, they can still be spoken in a gaze, holding her hand, and just being there.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Friday, October 5, 2007
L Bomb
Why are people, especially women, in such a hurry to confess their undying love and devotion to the person they are with? I don't understand this. No, kc did not drop an L bomb to me, nor do I think that she will anytime soon, however, my friend d is dropping them left and right about her girl m.
d is going shopping to buy a piece of jewelry, namely, a ring. I asked her what the significance of the ring would mean and she said it was just a promise ring of sorts, but that she thought it would be really cute if they both had matching rings that they wore. Umm...you've known each other for 4 fucking months, hello, does this not scream moving really fast to you? Not to mention the fact that m doesn't live here, so the time they do spend together is a weekend here and there, usually every couple of weeks. Now, I don't know about you, but when I go on vacation or when I have first met someone, I am always on my best behavior. Not that I am not a kind and decent human being all the time, it's just that when you first meet someone you always want to put your best foot forward. If you have a crappy day you don't let it bother you, you're still in the hot and heavy sex stages, and you're still really excited to see each other. I think for d to truly be able to express those feelings to m she needs to spend a lot more time with her, in a row, like a couple weeks instead of a couple days.
When I was talking to kc about it, because for some reason d asked both of our opinions, which is a bummer for her because kc and I are about the slowest moving relationship you have ever seen (which we both want), I told her that I gave d a list of questions about the significance of this purchase, and if it was to say the L word for the first time. For me, saying that 4 letter word for the first time has enough meaning and feeling that it doesn't need to be accompanied by jewelry, maybe flowers or chocolate, but NOT a ring.
Who knows, maybe kc and I have both been burned enough in the past that that is why we are taking what we have really slow. We don't spend every waking moment together, we sleep alone a few days a week, we schedule our lives first and then time with each other, this way we are excited to see each other and don't become complacent or take the other for granted. We also share the same views on a lot of things, more than I realized, not even the living in separate space, but so many others.
We took a bath together this past weekend (I love taking bubble baths, and it was way more fun since she was in the tub with me) and were talking about stuff. She was talking about what she wants to do when she finishes school and what she wants to do with her house, namely blow it up and build a new one. I told her that if I ever lived with someone else that I would have to have my own bathroom and at least one other room, like a study or a den or something to retreat into. She took it one step further and decided that the house she designs will have to have 2 master bedrooms and bathrooms, each with its own living space. We both agree that everyone needs their own personal space to do as they please, where they can let go and relax. I told her I wanted a room filled with bookshelves and bean bags. I just want a comfy, fluffy room, with lots of bean bags and squishy chairs, and a window seat, so that I can sit wherever I want and read or do work.
Speaking of work, I have decided to go back to school. I almost took this sales job and then I freaked out and realized that I couldn't take that job, despite that it would have paid me a lot of money in the end, because it would have sucked the life and soul out of me. So now I am deciding on whether I would like to get a masters or go all the way and get my PhD. I am thinking of just doing it, going all the way for the PhD, then I can become a professor, or do a lot of research, or do both. This means that I will have to apply to the 1 of 2 schools out here that has a PhD program in my field and hopefully I can get into it in the fall. I am going to take some refresher classes this spring to refamiliarize myself with everything, so hopefully it will get me back on track to what it takes for me to study and get my schoolwork done.
Back to the L bomb discussion...I don't want to hurt d's feelings, and maybe she does think that kc and I are moving slow, but she did ask our opinons, well, not so much our opinions, just asked us if we knew any good jewelry stores. And while I love jewelry, what woman doesn't, I love things that sparkle and are shiny, I firmly believe that a ring is the wrong thing to buy. But, maybe she wants to open up that can of worms, maybe her and m have talked a lot about it and they both feel the same way. I don't know, I'm not there. However, we might be having dinner with them on Sunday night so then we can get to know m a little bit more.
At the rate that kc and I are moving I don't think that either one of us will drop a bomb anytime soon. But I'm okay with that, I know that she likes me a lot, and I like her a lot, and we're just having fun and doing our thing. And while that may be different from what everyone else is doing, at least we are both on the same page with things.
d is going shopping to buy a piece of jewelry, namely, a ring. I asked her what the significance of the ring would mean and she said it was just a promise ring of sorts, but that she thought it would be really cute if they both had matching rings that they wore. Umm...you've known each other for 4 fucking months, hello, does this not scream moving really fast to you? Not to mention the fact that m doesn't live here, so the time they do spend together is a weekend here and there, usually every couple of weeks. Now, I don't know about you, but when I go on vacation or when I have first met someone, I am always on my best behavior. Not that I am not a kind and decent human being all the time, it's just that when you first meet someone you always want to put your best foot forward. If you have a crappy day you don't let it bother you, you're still in the hot and heavy sex stages, and you're still really excited to see each other. I think for d to truly be able to express those feelings to m she needs to spend a lot more time with her, in a row, like a couple weeks instead of a couple days.
When I was talking to kc about it, because for some reason d asked both of our opinions, which is a bummer for her because kc and I are about the slowest moving relationship you have ever seen (which we both want), I told her that I gave d a list of questions about the significance of this purchase, and if it was to say the L word for the first time. For me, saying that 4 letter word for the first time has enough meaning and feeling that it doesn't need to be accompanied by jewelry, maybe flowers or chocolate, but NOT a ring.
Who knows, maybe kc and I have both been burned enough in the past that that is why we are taking what we have really slow. We don't spend every waking moment together, we sleep alone a few days a week, we schedule our lives first and then time with each other, this way we are excited to see each other and don't become complacent or take the other for granted. We also share the same views on a lot of things, more than I realized, not even the living in separate space, but so many others.
We took a bath together this past weekend (I love taking bubble baths, and it was way more fun since she was in the tub with me) and were talking about stuff. She was talking about what she wants to do when she finishes school and what she wants to do with her house, namely blow it up and build a new one. I told her that if I ever lived with someone else that I would have to have my own bathroom and at least one other room, like a study or a den or something to retreat into. She took it one step further and decided that the house she designs will have to have 2 master bedrooms and bathrooms, each with its own living space. We both agree that everyone needs their own personal space to do as they please, where they can let go and relax. I told her I wanted a room filled with bookshelves and bean bags. I just want a comfy, fluffy room, with lots of bean bags and squishy chairs, and a window seat, so that I can sit wherever I want and read or do work.
Speaking of work, I have decided to go back to school. I almost took this sales job and then I freaked out and realized that I couldn't take that job, despite that it would have paid me a lot of money in the end, because it would have sucked the life and soul out of me. So now I am deciding on whether I would like to get a masters or go all the way and get my PhD. I am thinking of just doing it, going all the way for the PhD, then I can become a professor, or do a lot of research, or do both. This means that I will have to apply to the 1 of 2 schools out here that has a PhD program in my field and hopefully I can get into it in the fall. I am going to take some refresher classes this spring to refamiliarize myself with everything, so hopefully it will get me back on track to what it takes for me to study and get my schoolwork done.
Back to the L bomb discussion...I don't want to hurt d's feelings, and maybe she does think that kc and I are moving slow, but she did ask our opinons, well, not so much our opinions, just asked us if we knew any good jewelry stores. And while I love jewelry, what woman doesn't, I love things that sparkle and are shiny, I firmly believe that a ring is the wrong thing to buy. But, maybe she wants to open up that can of worms, maybe her and m have talked a lot about it and they both feel the same way. I don't know, I'm not there. However, we might be having dinner with them on Sunday night so then we can get to know m a little bit more.
At the rate that kc and I are moving I don't think that either one of us will drop a bomb anytime soon. But I'm okay with that, I know that she likes me a lot, and I like her a lot, and we're just having fun and doing our thing. And while that may be different from what everyone else is doing, at least we are both on the same page with things.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
IBS and other disorders
So, most people may not know this about me, but I have stomach problems...well, not so much stomach problems, but where the food goes when it leaves your stomach problems (I have IBS and a spastic colon and probably a few others they couldn't identify). For the most part it is under control, I just eat a fairly boring diet and try not to get stressed out. I have had these problems since I was pretty young, as far as doctors can tell they developed because I had too much stress as a kid, which is what you get growing up in an abusive house when you internalize everything because you can't talk to anyone about it.
Anyway, for the last few days things in that department have been not so good, in fact, not good at all. It started with dinner that s made the other night, it made me incredibly ill. So far I have been able to keep my problems away from my relationship with kc, however, since I have been spending a fairly large bit of time with her lately, that is not the case. Most of the time I can get lucky and just wait until I get to work (I know, it's unhealthy, but fuck off, it's my problem) or whenever she leaves for class. However, for the last 2 nights that I have spent at her house, it has not been the case. For some reason, the dinner that s made worked its way through me with lightning speed, and again the following night with the dinner that h made.
I usually keep some medicine with me to take care of it, stop my stomach from bubbling and things from getting out of control, however I ran out, and that fucking sucked really bad. My problem is that the other night when I was looking for my drugs she asked what I was looking for. I just told her the medicine for my stomach because it was really upset, but I didn't have any, and she asked if I wanted her to go get it for me. I told her no. I don't really want to have her too involved in this problem, and she usually lets it go when I tell her that it's just my stomach.
Am I crazy for not wanting her to know about this part of me? I wish that when they built houses they would just make the bathroom soundproof for everyone's benefit. I know that she wouldn't care, she knows that I have stomach problems and that they stem from being fucked up as a kid, but it's just horribly embarassing for me. I mean, I really like this girl. With all my other girlfriends I never cared, it never really bothered me, it was just a fact of my life, but for some reason, with this girl...I don't know.
It's all about preserving the image. When people get too comfortable with each other they reach this zone where they don't care about trying to preserve some sense of modesty and just let go. I don't want to let go. Letting go I think is what makes relationships fail. I mean, sure, for most women letting their significant other see them without make-up for the first time is enough of a feeling of letting go. And then all you start wearing is sweat pants and oversized clothes, not bothering to pull out that sexy lingerie you bought when you first met. I guess I just don't want to ruin her image of me. I want her to see me as me, but I don't want her to see that part of me. Yes, I know, it's natural, everyone does it, but when yours is broken, it's a whole other thing. I want to always feel like I am trying to make it work so that if it doesn't work then I can say that I did everything I could do and it just wasn't meant to be.
I don't want to fall into that burping and farting on the couch trap, that I'm so comfortable with you I don't care what I look like trap. I like caring what I look like, I like pulling out the sexy lingerie, I like wearing that cute skirt that hugs my ass just so, and when you let go of those things you lose some of the sexiness about you. I want to remain sexy in her eyes for as long as I possibly can. I know that things change and you should get more comfortable the longer you are in a relationship, but I don't want to. I mean, yes I have become more comfortable with her, but that is in the area of talking to her and letting her see me, letting her see me be silly and goofy, and sad, and happy, and crying, and sick...but not that part.
Why do I have to have a fucked up system? Why can't I just be normal like everyone else? I think that it is some sort of cosmic intervention though that the girl with the broken system met a girl who always has a stuffed up nose. Sometimes I wish that she could smell so she could smell my perfume and such (although sometimes she can), and sometimes I think it was fate that had me meet a girl who can't smell. Maybe I'm reading too much into that, but I think that if I'm in the market for a new girl that is one thing I will be looking for. Let's hope I'm in no need to be looking anytime soon, but if I ever I am, that will be a prerequisite for dating me.
Anyway, for the last few days things in that department have been not so good, in fact, not good at all. It started with dinner that s made the other night, it made me incredibly ill. So far I have been able to keep my problems away from my relationship with kc, however, since I have been spending a fairly large bit of time with her lately, that is not the case. Most of the time I can get lucky and just wait until I get to work (I know, it's unhealthy, but fuck off, it's my problem) or whenever she leaves for class. However, for the last 2 nights that I have spent at her house, it has not been the case. For some reason, the dinner that s made worked its way through me with lightning speed, and again the following night with the dinner that h made.
I usually keep some medicine with me to take care of it, stop my stomach from bubbling and things from getting out of control, however I ran out, and that fucking sucked really bad. My problem is that the other night when I was looking for my drugs she asked what I was looking for. I just told her the medicine for my stomach because it was really upset, but I didn't have any, and she asked if I wanted her to go get it for me. I told her no. I don't really want to have her too involved in this problem, and she usually lets it go when I tell her that it's just my stomach.
Am I crazy for not wanting her to know about this part of me? I wish that when they built houses they would just make the bathroom soundproof for everyone's benefit. I know that she wouldn't care, she knows that I have stomach problems and that they stem from being fucked up as a kid, but it's just horribly embarassing for me. I mean, I really like this girl. With all my other girlfriends I never cared, it never really bothered me, it was just a fact of my life, but for some reason, with this girl...I don't know.
It's all about preserving the image. When people get too comfortable with each other they reach this zone where they don't care about trying to preserve some sense of modesty and just let go. I don't want to let go. Letting go I think is what makes relationships fail. I mean, sure, for most women letting their significant other see them without make-up for the first time is enough of a feeling of letting go. And then all you start wearing is sweat pants and oversized clothes, not bothering to pull out that sexy lingerie you bought when you first met. I guess I just don't want to ruin her image of me. I want her to see me as me, but I don't want her to see that part of me. Yes, I know, it's natural, everyone does it, but when yours is broken, it's a whole other thing. I want to always feel like I am trying to make it work so that if it doesn't work then I can say that I did everything I could do and it just wasn't meant to be.
I don't want to fall into that burping and farting on the couch trap, that I'm so comfortable with you I don't care what I look like trap. I like caring what I look like, I like pulling out the sexy lingerie, I like wearing that cute skirt that hugs my ass just so, and when you let go of those things you lose some of the sexiness about you. I want to remain sexy in her eyes for as long as I possibly can. I know that things change and you should get more comfortable the longer you are in a relationship, but I don't want to. I mean, yes I have become more comfortable with her, but that is in the area of talking to her and letting her see me, letting her see me be silly and goofy, and sad, and happy, and crying, and sick...but not that part.
Why do I have to have a fucked up system? Why can't I just be normal like everyone else? I think that it is some sort of cosmic intervention though that the girl with the broken system met a girl who always has a stuffed up nose. Sometimes I wish that she could smell so she could smell my perfume and such (although sometimes she can), and sometimes I think it was fate that had me meet a girl who can't smell. Maybe I'm reading too much into that, but I think that if I'm in the market for a new girl that is one thing I will be looking for. Let's hope I'm in no need to be looking anytime soon, but if I ever I am, that will be a prerequisite for dating me.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Not my drama
Thank god, because otherwise I might want to jump off a fucking bridge. So kc came up last night and we went out to dinner with k because her and a broke up (again) and she just wanted someone to talk to and of course I understand most of her problems with a. I just can't understand why she keeps taking her back, although I don't think that it will happen again.
And then to add fuel to the fire, kc told me that h and ha slept together! That's just the most fucking crazy thing that I have heard in a while. kc and I were talking about it earlier in the week and neither one of us thought that h would sleep with ha, it's WAY too close to the circle. But, the other night, it happened! And I guess ha was bragging to kc about it, and of course that pissed kc off because of her history with h.
So it really just brought down the mood of the evening to have kc so angry about something that, while it sucks, just really isn't a big deal. I guess there is a lot to kc's history with ha, and ha bragging about it to kc wasn't cool, it just wicked fucking upset me that she was so pissed about it. Or maybe that was just my interpretation of things, because the only part I could focus on was that she was pissed about her sleeping with h. k kept trying to tell me that there was way more to it than that, I'm sure there is, it was just hard to not focus on anything else.
At least I told her about it, about how upsetting it was that she could get so fucking pissed about something that, aside from ha sleeping with s (oh yeah, ha is kind of a dirty girl, working her way around everyone living in kc's house) she slept with h, and all at kc's house. I'm not sure what these girls were thinking jumping into bed with her. ha is not all that attractive, at least not to me. s may have a bit of a harder time than h trying to find a random hook-up (although I guess neither wanted it to be random, which would have fared well for everyone involved if it had been), but h doesn't really have any excuses, she's an adorable girl who could get any number of the chicks who go see her shows into bed with her. I mean, I'm not advocating promiscuity and one night stands, but if you just need to get fucking laid, then go do it, get it out of your system, but do it with someone who isn't in the fucking circle, someone who if you did sleep with it wouldn't have the consequences that it did.
At least it's not my drama, and kc is over it, and today is a new day. Although, another bit of bitching here...I guess h was talking to kc and told her that I said something about how I'm glad that kc isn't a jealous girl because of something that happened with d. I have no idea what she is referencing to, the only thing I can think of it I said something about me and d going dancing and whatnot, but kc knows about all of that. And it kind of freaked kc out, like she was worried about me hiding something from her. I told her that if I was going to do something with another chick, like make out with her, I would tell her first. I'm not that kind of girl, I don't just go do random shit with other chicks that I don't like.
I mean, I'm glad she isn't the jealous type, I've never given her a reason to be jealous, but those kinds of girls are annoying. I don't need someone questioning me and my actions because of their insecurity. If I'm going out with the rugby girls for instance, or dancing with d, I don't need my girlfriend to be constantly calling me and checking up on me. I need her to trust me, and kc does trust me.
But, on a happy note, h also asked kc if she considered herself single, and kc said no, because I don't share. So that is nice, at least she's not considering herself on the market or availab.e And why should I have to share? I shouldn't, not if someone wants to be with me. If they want to be with other people and have an open relationship like that, then they aren't for me. Call me old fashioned, but I prefer to only be sleeping with one person at a time, and right now that one person is kc.
Holy shit, this is crazy. At least I'm able to talk about it with kc, at least she wants to talk about it with me. She says it makes her feel closer to me that I can share what's going on in my head with her. I like that. k asked me if I love kc, I told her that I couldn't answer that question, at least not to her. It threw me off a little to have her ask me that, and if those feelings are starting to develop (I can't deny that they aren't), it's something that will be in my heart and not something that I am going to share with anyone, at least not right now.
Right now I'm just going to enjoy my dinner date with kc, my back massage, the incredibly hot fucking sex, and snuggly naked time.
And then to add fuel to the fire, kc told me that h and ha slept together! That's just the most fucking crazy thing that I have heard in a while. kc and I were talking about it earlier in the week and neither one of us thought that h would sleep with ha, it's WAY too close to the circle. But, the other night, it happened! And I guess ha was bragging to kc about it, and of course that pissed kc off because of her history with h.
So it really just brought down the mood of the evening to have kc so angry about something that, while it sucks, just really isn't a big deal. I guess there is a lot to kc's history with ha, and ha bragging about it to kc wasn't cool, it just wicked fucking upset me that she was so pissed about it. Or maybe that was just my interpretation of things, because the only part I could focus on was that she was pissed about her sleeping with h. k kept trying to tell me that there was way more to it than that, I'm sure there is, it was just hard to not focus on anything else.
At least I told her about it, about how upsetting it was that she could get so fucking pissed about something that, aside from ha sleeping with s (oh yeah, ha is kind of a dirty girl, working her way around everyone living in kc's house) she slept with h, and all at kc's house. I'm not sure what these girls were thinking jumping into bed with her. ha is not all that attractive, at least not to me. s may have a bit of a harder time than h trying to find a random hook-up (although I guess neither wanted it to be random, which would have fared well for everyone involved if it had been), but h doesn't really have any excuses, she's an adorable girl who could get any number of the chicks who go see her shows into bed with her. I mean, I'm not advocating promiscuity and one night stands, but if you just need to get fucking laid, then go do it, get it out of your system, but do it with someone who isn't in the fucking circle, someone who if you did sleep with it wouldn't have the consequences that it did.
At least it's not my drama, and kc is over it, and today is a new day. Although, another bit of bitching here...I guess h was talking to kc and told her that I said something about how I'm glad that kc isn't a jealous girl because of something that happened with d. I have no idea what she is referencing to, the only thing I can think of it I said something about me and d going dancing and whatnot, but kc knows about all of that. And it kind of freaked kc out, like she was worried about me hiding something from her. I told her that if I was going to do something with another chick, like make out with her, I would tell her first. I'm not that kind of girl, I don't just go do random shit with other chicks that I don't like.
I mean, I'm glad she isn't the jealous type, I've never given her a reason to be jealous, but those kinds of girls are annoying. I don't need someone questioning me and my actions because of their insecurity. If I'm going out with the rugby girls for instance, or dancing with d, I don't need my girlfriend to be constantly calling me and checking up on me. I need her to trust me, and kc does trust me.
But, on a happy note, h also asked kc if she considered herself single, and kc said no, because I don't share. So that is nice, at least she's not considering herself on the market or availab.e And why should I have to share? I shouldn't, not if someone wants to be with me. If they want to be with other people and have an open relationship like that, then they aren't for me. Call me old fashioned, but I prefer to only be sleeping with one person at a time, and right now that one person is kc.
Holy shit, this is crazy. At least I'm able to talk about it with kc, at least she wants to talk about it with me. She says it makes her feel closer to me that I can share what's going on in my head with her. I like that. k asked me if I love kc, I told her that I couldn't answer that question, at least not to her. It threw me off a little to have her ask me that, and if those feelings are starting to develop (I can't deny that they aren't), it's something that will be in my heart and not something that I am going to share with anyone, at least not right now.
Right now I'm just going to enjoy my dinner date with kc, my back massage, the incredibly hot fucking sex, and snuggly naked time.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Not just any key...
...but the key to her house. That's right, the girl who seems terrified of commitment, or at least cohabitation, has given me a key to her house. kc told me that if she gave me one that it meant that I was really special because she's broken up with other girlfriends for less. I mean, there are some valid reasons as to why I asked her for a key.
Occasionally when I ask her to either leave the house unlocked or leave me a key in the mailbox she forgets. This leads me to have to break into her house, which I hate doing, I hate feeling like a criminal, especially because I'm breaking into a house that I know. And this has definitely happened on more than one occasion. Also, I leave for work really early in the morning and this morning was the first morning that I could actually lock the front door behind me. kc's neighborhood is pretty safe, but there are some weirdos there and I was always paranoid when I left the door unlocked that someone would find their way in, and that would be no good, especially because I know it would have been me who left the door unlocked.
So what does all this mean? I guess I shouldn't read too much into it, I don't need to work myself up. And we have been really good for a while now which I'm enjoying immensely. She is taking care of me and being sweet, I'm pretty sick right now, and she's finding recipes to make me better (although, hot water, honey, and vinegar doesn't taste very good, it did make my sore throat go away in a day, now hopefully it works on my sinsuses). She said she was going to do something special for me yesterday but h had called and asked her for a ride home from the bus station. Now I'm dying to know what it was she was going to do. She came and played softball with me last night too, and the whole team was silly wearing wigs and funny hats, and we all had a good time.
I wish I wasn't sick though because I was totally in the mood for some good lovin' last night, but I fell asleep. kc came to bed a little later and woke me up and we made out for a bit, but she knew I was tired and didn't feel good, so we just snuggled and she rubbed my back and stuff for a bit. I like the way her skin feels against mine, so soft and warm. I want to be back in bed right now sleeping and snuggling and waking up nicely and I definitely don't want to be sick.
Occasionally when I ask her to either leave the house unlocked or leave me a key in the mailbox she forgets. This leads me to have to break into her house, which I hate doing, I hate feeling like a criminal, especially because I'm breaking into a house that I know. And this has definitely happened on more than one occasion. Also, I leave for work really early in the morning and this morning was the first morning that I could actually lock the front door behind me. kc's neighborhood is pretty safe, but there are some weirdos there and I was always paranoid when I left the door unlocked that someone would find their way in, and that would be no good, especially because I know it would have been me who left the door unlocked.
So what does all this mean? I guess I shouldn't read too much into it, I don't need to work myself up. And we have been really good for a while now which I'm enjoying immensely. She is taking care of me and being sweet, I'm pretty sick right now, and she's finding recipes to make me better (although, hot water, honey, and vinegar doesn't taste very good, it did make my sore throat go away in a day, now hopefully it works on my sinsuses). She said she was going to do something special for me yesterday but h had called and asked her for a ride home from the bus station. Now I'm dying to know what it was she was going to do. She came and played softball with me last night too, and the whole team was silly wearing wigs and funny hats, and we all had a good time.
I wish I wasn't sick though because I was totally in the mood for some good lovin' last night, but I fell asleep. kc came to bed a little later and woke me up and we made out for a bit, but she knew I was tired and didn't feel good, so we just snuggled and she rubbed my back and stuff for a bit. I like the way her skin feels against mine, so soft and warm. I want to be back in bed right now sleeping and snuggling and waking up nicely and I definitely don't want to be sick.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Happy and hurt...
This past weeekend was a fucking great one!! Travelled to a tournament with the rugby girls and got my ass kicked. We played 4 games, I got to kick for points in one of them, and then I played another half a game with another team. What the fuck was I thinking? Oh yeah, I LOVE RUGBY!
It was so much fun, aside from the giant bruise on my thigh and the skin missing from my knee it was a really good weekend. And then we got to go out and have an awesome social with all the other teams. I woke up on Sunday morning with no voice, and it's just getting worse right now. Hopefully I'm not getting sick, I have been coughing a lot and my nose is stuffy. I got to dance with eye candy so that was fun, I think that she is picking up on the flirting though...hmm...oh well, kc knows that I got a thing for her, but she knows that I like her.
kc picked me up at the airport on Sunday night, went home, snuggled, although trying to find a position to sleep in that didn't completely hurt me was pretty much impossible so I had to go with what hurt the least (the bruise on my thigh or my jacked up shoulder...)
Yesterday wanted to do nothing but lay on the couch and snuggle and be cozy. I love the cold weather coming in. And I got to do everything I wanted to do yesterday which was nothing. Had a lovely afternoon session which was fucking nice (although not sure how I feel about the new piece, it still kind of hurts a little bit) and when we were done s was making dinner.
This week should be pretty good too, except for the kidney I had to donate to pay to get my car fixed. I have to pick it up from the shop today, kc is letting me use her truck for the day so that is nice, but at least this weekend is another rugby tournament. More getting beat up, more tons of fun. Playing rugby is like my version of yoga, it relaxes me, releases all my pent up everything, clears my head, and helps me sleep better.
And I guess I'm leaning a little bit closer to asking kc how she feels about everything that is going on and what she wants and if she considers us still dating or girlfriends or what. It's not like I want to sound like a needy girl, she knows I've got my own thing going on. I guess it's more like the exclusivity talk, since I don't want to date or sleep with other people. Guess I just want to make sure that she is on the same page as me still. And it's good to just check-in and see that you both are still happy and heads are in the same place.
It was so much fun, aside from the giant bruise on my thigh and the skin missing from my knee it was a really good weekend. And then we got to go out and have an awesome social with all the other teams. I woke up on Sunday morning with no voice, and it's just getting worse right now. Hopefully I'm not getting sick, I have been coughing a lot and my nose is stuffy. I got to dance with eye candy so that was fun, I think that she is picking up on the flirting though...hmm...oh well, kc knows that I got a thing for her, but she knows that I like her.
kc picked me up at the airport on Sunday night, went home, snuggled, although trying to find a position to sleep in that didn't completely hurt me was pretty much impossible so I had to go with what hurt the least (the bruise on my thigh or my jacked up shoulder...)
Yesterday wanted to do nothing but lay on the couch and snuggle and be cozy. I love the cold weather coming in. And I got to do everything I wanted to do yesterday which was nothing. Had a lovely afternoon session which was fucking nice (although not sure how I feel about the new piece, it still kind of hurts a little bit) and when we were done s was making dinner.
This week should be pretty good too, except for the kidney I had to donate to pay to get my car fixed. I have to pick it up from the shop today, kc is letting me use her truck for the day so that is nice, but at least this weekend is another rugby tournament. More getting beat up, more tons of fun. Playing rugby is like my version of yoga, it relaxes me, releases all my pent up everything, clears my head, and helps me sleep better.
And I guess I'm leaning a little bit closer to asking kc how she feels about everything that is going on and what she wants and if she considers us still dating or girlfriends or what. It's not like I want to sound like a needy girl, she knows I've got my own thing going on. I guess it's more like the exclusivity talk, since I don't want to date or sleep with other people. Guess I just want to make sure that she is on the same page as me still. And it's good to just check-in and see that you both are still happy and heads are in the same place.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Holy fuck I'm tired
Why is it that I can sacrifice some sleep and she can't? I don't know, I'm a glutton for punishment, but I really like sex so oh well. We went on a cave trip this weekend and for all the talking that was going on, nothing was happening. Okay fine, you wanted to get some sleep before we went into the cave, but then that night WTF? Nothing, and it wasn't for a lack of telling me what you wanted either, too bad you passed out and nothing happened.
Then we drive back on Sunday, my poor fucking car. It got beat all to hell this weekend and now it's going to cost me a kidney to get it fixed. At least kc is going to take me to drop it off and pick it up on Monday. Anyway, back to the point, so nothing happens again Sunday night, I went up to bed early and she stayed downstairs watching TV and playing on her computer. Monday I had some rugby stuff so had to get up early and go do that and got denied the morning sex. At least she apologized, blamed it on the beers that she had been drinking all weekend and the chocolates and candies that we were all eating in the car.
So she made it up to me at least last night, we went out for dinner and then went back to my place. However, didn't get to sleep until around 1am and I get up at 5am to go to work. It is just so not a part of her lifestyle, getting up early that is. She is definitely more of a night owl, but I usually catch up on sleep on the weekends.
Although, not this weekend, travelling for a rugby tournament. That's exciting, I really like travelling with this team, the girls on the team are fucking awesome! And kc is going to fly out and visit one of her friends and try and get her flight somewhere near mine. So she is going to drop me off at the aiport, pick me up on Sunday, and then take me to do my car stuff on Monday. So hopefully she will be in a better disposition this upcoming weekend, and at least she is making an effort to see me this week since I'll be gone all this weekend and next weekend doing rugby stuff.
I'm trying not to get too overwhelmed in my head, but it's hard to not like this girl a lot. She is a lot of fun and I have a really good time with her, and it's not just the incredibly hot sex and the fact that she doesn't make me feel self-conscious about anything. She makes me feel good and happy and I really like sleeping with her and snuggling up against her. And lately if I roll over onto my other side then she will snuggle into my back and try and wrap herself around me.
So I don't really care that I'm tired. I have stuff to do after work to pack for this trip this weekend and then I will read a little and go to bed. Hopefully early, but knowing me I'll end up texting kc for a little while before I go to sleep, unless I can convince her to come and see me 2 nights in a row.
Then we drive back on Sunday, my poor fucking car. It got beat all to hell this weekend and now it's going to cost me a kidney to get it fixed. At least kc is going to take me to drop it off and pick it up on Monday. Anyway, back to the point, so nothing happens again Sunday night, I went up to bed early and she stayed downstairs watching TV and playing on her computer. Monday I had some rugby stuff so had to get up early and go do that and got denied the morning sex. At least she apologized, blamed it on the beers that she had been drinking all weekend and the chocolates and candies that we were all eating in the car.
So she made it up to me at least last night, we went out for dinner and then went back to my place. However, didn't get to sleep until around 1am and I get up at 5am to go to work. It is just so not a part of her lifestyle, getting up early that is. She is definitely more of a night owl, but I usually catch up on sleep on the weekends.
Although, not this weekend, travelling for a rugby tournament. That's exciting, I really like travelling with this team, the girls on the team are fucking awesome! And kc is going to fly out and visit one of her friends and try and get her flight somewhere near mine. So she is going to drop me off at the aiport, pick me up on Sunday, and then take me to do my car stuff on Monday. So hopefully she will be in a better disposition this upcoming weekend, and at least she is making an effort to see me this week since I'll be gone all this weekend and next weekend doing rugby stuff.
I'm trying not to get too overwhelmed in my head, but it's hard to not like this girl a lot. She is a lot of fun and I have a really good time with her, and it's not just the incredibly hot sex and the fact that she doesn't make me feel self-conscious about anything. She makes me feel good and happy and I really like sleeping with her and snuggling up against her. And lately if I roll over onto my other side then she will snuggle into my back and try and wrap herself around me.
So I don't really care that I'm tired. I have stuff to do after work to pack for this trip this weekend and then I will read a little and go to bed. Hopefully early, but knowing me I'll end up texting kc for a little while before I go to sleep, unless I can convince her to come and see me 2 nights in a row.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)