Guilt trips...

I hate guilt trips. Don't fucking try to make me feel guilty for something that is not my fault at all. So I settled stuff with a yesterday, brought her her stuff and got my check. Then she calls me while I'm driving to say that she isn't going to call me or talk to me ever again because I don't return her calls and I'm not a good friend, blah blah fucking blah. Then she says it's my fault that the people I'm living with never call her sister anymore (side note...got a text this morning from a saying, how ironic that c called b to hang out on sunday, fuck you, of course I said something, but it's the last thing I will say to him about it, he doesn't need that drama shit either), that I ruined their friendship by moving in, and how much longer am I going to be there, trying to make me feel bad. Tough shit, they offered me a place to stay and I took them up on it. If they didn't want me there they wouldn't have offered. And yes, I would like to find my own place to live, however being laid off and only having a temp job isn't really the best situation to be in to try and find a place to live. I need some security before I go out looking for a condo to buy.

She doesn't realize that I can't be her friend right now. She needs to find herself and figure out who she is and not be so fucking co-dependent on anyone. She can't be trying to make me feel bad for her or for anything for that matter. I'm not getting sucked into that ever. She needs to see a therapist and get on some anti-depressants or something because she is bringing down everyone around her. Even her own sister doesn't want to be around her, that should tell her something. It's too bad that she is so repressed in her own life.

When I first told her that I had taken anti-depressants she looked at me like I have the plague, like I was some sort of freak. Umm...get over yourself, there are so many people out there who are on them, that shit is getting prescribed like candy. And then there is the issue of sex. She is a strictly at night with the lights out kind of girl, about once a month if you're lucky. I wasn't that lucky. For the last year of our relationship I think we had sex maybe 3 times. I used to masturbate after she fell asleep, that's how bad it was. And from hints that k has dropped, doesn't sound like it was any different with her.

That's just not right. I mean, she should be open to trying new things, new positions, new toys, new times of day. It's not like she needs to jump into some freaky S&M thing, just at least make an attempt for the other person. I see her ruining many relationships until she finds herself and her sexuality.

Oh well, it's not my fucking problem anymore. I get to fuck a hottie who will take it any time of day from me and isn't afraid of wanting to try new things. And it's not just really fucking great sex with kc, we have fun, we talk, we debate, we have something to discuss other than TV, she actually reads a book when I suggest it instead of looking at me like why should I read when we have the TV!! She doesn't make me feel bad about wanting to hang out with other people and only spending a certain amount of time together, in fact, she encourages because she realizes that we need to be good individuals and do what makes us happy in order to be in a healthy relationship. We have to be able to be the source of our own happiness before we can find happiness with someone else because (as I have found out the hard way) if you don't maintain a sense of individuality within a relationship that relationship is doomed.

AND...kc has now used the g word twice. That's right folks, has referred to me as "girlfriend" twice. Once on my trip to see her on vacation (as in, sorry for swerving officer I had my hand in my girlfriend's pants) and then the other weekend when we were hanging at s's friends house before her birthday dinner (hey, other people besides your girlfriend might enjoy you flashing them...I was wearing a skirt and trying to figure out where to sit). So, that's a pretty sweet thing.

So there is no way in hell that I am going to let the ex bring me down and try to make me feel bad when I have made a life for myself, made my own friends, found a nice girl, just because she hasn't.