Trying not to be pissed

I'm trying really hard, and more I think about it, the more I dwell on it, and the more I start stewing about it. kc was supposed to call me today and explain why she was bailing on me tonight for the movie. I mean, I'm pretty sure she should be giving me an explanation as to why she is bailing since I've had this planned for the last month and am really looking forward to the movie. So I texted her today and said that I was awake, call whenever. She said she wasn't going to call me, so I told her she could just e-mail her reasoning then. She said she was going to last night but she fell asleep on the couch, but she can send me one today.

Now, call me crazy, but I would take that to believe that she would be sending me one. That was at 10pm when I first got to work. I text-talked to her at 1am, she was sitting on the couch watching Scarface. So what, you can't get up for 5 minutes and compose an e-mail to me that explains something that is kind of important to me? Unless it's just a really dumb reason as to why she is bailing and she's avoiding the conversation, but for real, I told her I wasn't pissed, I was bummed but I'd get over it. So why can't she just take a few minutes to make some kind of effort to contact me.

It makes me feel like I am just not worth it to her. Like I don't even merit getting off her ass for a couple minutes to compose an e-mail, let alone actually dial the numbers to physically talk to me. I mean, am I worth it to her? I don't think that I am an overly expectant person, but I would like a little follow through. If you say you're going to call me then call me, if you say you're going to send me an e-mail then fucking write the damn message.

WTF? I mean, I try to do little things for her that I think make her happy, at least I know that if she did those things for me then that would make me happy. I send her cute little messages, pictures, e-mails, sometimes even just to say hi and that I'm thinking of her. Does she not think that I would like those things?

I wonder if she actually thinks about what she does that brings a smile to my face. Or does she just do things because she feels like she has to? I don't want her to do them out of obligation, I want her to do them because she genuinely wants to make me happy.

Okay, I just need to send her a text to tell her to call me, not attempt a text-a-thon all morning or afternoon. Just tell her that I'm sure I'm making a mountain out of a molehill since that's what I usually do and that if she just calls me and talks to me then I will feel a lot better. I don't want to go into this weekend being upset with her and not talking to her about it, that would just be no fun, because then I'm sure my subconcious will do the talking that my conscious can't and that's no good. My subconscious can be kinda mean when I'm upset. And if I'm gonna cry (because well frankly I'm sure I will, at least this time I know it's PMS) then I may as well get it out this afternoon before I go to the movies and certainly before we go to the rugby prom.