Huh?

Did I read that right? Are my eyes just swimming on the page because I'm tired? Nope, sure aren't. Yeah, okay, I know I should be happy about this because well, it is what I wanted, what I want, but why is it scary as well? Wondering what I'm talking about? Sorry, I've been all over the place about it since I saw it.

I sent kc an e-mail yesterday asking her if she wanted to go on a date next week when I got back from my trip. I hadn't really expected a response, she's not the best at responding to questions and e-mails. Anyway, she responded, and then closed out the e-mail with a love, k. So yeah, it definitely caught me off guard.

For all my hemming and hawing and indecisiveness about should I say anything, and then that drunken incident, and then I haven't really said anything about it since then...she signs off an e-mail with love? Maybe she's just testing the waters. Maybe she's been impatient because I haven't said or even come close to saying those 3 little words since the drunk night at rugby prom...and that was a couple weeks ago. Maybe she thought that I only said it because I was drunk and was wondering if I would say it again sober to her.

Well, sorry, I just hadn't been feeling it with your we spent too much time together text and it's not that she wasn't affectionate all weekend, it's just she didn't respond to any of my overtures. Now, not feeling completely sure of myself, why in the hell would I say "it"? Exactly, didn't think so.

But now...now she goes and puts it out there. Maybe she is waiting for me to say it. And to throw some more shit out there, she's in Vegas this weekend visiting a friend and suddenly she's horny? She wants dirty texts and pics? Well, hopefully this means she'll want to jump me when I get home, considering her message said that she hoped our date would end with us in bed, not me having to go to work. Uh yeah, if you can wait that long! I mean, I'm certainly not going to tell her no if she wants to come over some evening before I have to go to work, otherwise she's just going to have to wait until next Friday when we go on our date.

But back to my dilemma, well, not dilemma, situation I guess. It's not like it's a bad thing, and I don't even think shocking is the right word, maybe surprising. I don't know how the switch got flipped inside of her. She goes from telling me she could see herself there to there already? I mean, she knows I'm there, well, she has to from my hysterical episode the other weekend. But, for all I can remember, I posed it as a question (what if I said...), not a statement.

Okay, I can't get all deep thinking and involved in this. She put it out there, and if I'm feeling it, I'll just tell her. Oh who the fuck am I kidding, I'll probably tell her, yes, only if I'm feeling it, but come on, it's right there just waiting to be brought to the surface. I'm sure it's incredibly obvious to her and she's wondering why the fuck I haven't said anything to her since the debacle.