WTF?

So went out last night with d, am, and r. Had a really fun time with them, got my drink on, got my dance on, d grabbed my ass at one point I think, but we were dancing so hands are everywhere. Was definitely a little drunk by the time I got back to kc's house. At least she gave me a key to get in otherwise I would've passed out on the porch swing. She went and played poker with some friends because s didn't want to hang out with am (understandable, they just broke up). I guess kc got in about an hour after me, I was in a coma, and still managed to roll over and wrap myself around her.

Woke up slightly earlier than expected this morning and so did kc. And then she told me that she really likes me but she has a crush on h. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? She said that I am a good catch, that I have all the qualities that she is looking for in someone, and that h is totally wrong for her in so many ways, but yet she still likes her. That made me cry. I told her I didn't want to be some consolation prize and she said that I wasn't. But what the fuck, how do you swallow hearing that you're a really great catch but that she likes someone else too? I mean, I know she likes me, and she wants to be with me, because she's said so, and h is a really cool chick, I just don't want to end up resenting her for being able to captivate a part of kc that I obviously can't.

She said she needed time to figure it out...how much fucking time? I don't need to get pulled along for the ride simply because I'm willing to go on it, at some point I will have to get off the rollercoaster. At least the 'rents will be in town this weekend and kc and s are going south to visit one of s's friends and do some cleansing activities. Hopefully that will help her get her shit together. I thought that after the talk we had last weekend that things were going well, really well, our conversations are a lot better, everything was ok. And then I get hit with this fucking bomb at 8:30am after I've had 6 hours of drunk sleep, a slight hangover, and then a headache from the crying?

God, it better be PMS for the excessive emotional things that are going through me right now otherwise I'm not sure I can handle it. If I feel like I'm going to start to cry one more time today I may just jump off a fucking bridge. And to make matters even worse the ex keeps fucking calling me, and for stupid shit no less, and I definitely don't want to be dealing with her right now. And now kc and s are going to go camping with the ex and her girlfriend k and kc really wants me to go so that she can snuggle with me in her sleeping bag. And I really REALLY like sleeping next to her and having her wrap her arms around me, it fits, and it's comforting, and it's peaceful. And why, when things seem to be looking up and finally going my way, does something always happen to fuck it up? Did I do something to piss Karma off? Why must there always be a black cloud hanging over my head even on sunny days?