Closure...

It's finally over. I no longer have a redheaded monkey on my back. The ex is out of my life, the condo is sold, and I feel great. I don't have to take her calls, and I won't, not for a while. I need the separation that I should've had when we first broke up 5 months ago. I can't believe that it took this long to get everything taken care of and separated. I no longer have to put up with her annoyingly disgusting habits or her twin sister always being around (who also has the same annoyingly disgusting habits). I can finally move on with my life.

Role reversal...

I always thought that I was the one who couldn't make up their mind, that was insecure, wishy-washy, undecided. Turns out it's not only me. I think that this girl just doesn't know how to deal with her feelings for me. I think that she was feeling the exact same thing that I was but didn't know how to handle it either, and still doesn't. Last night kc was supposed to come up and hang out with me and sleep and snuggle with me. However, she sent me a text saying that was was incredibly torn, fucked up, and sad about things. She doesn't know how to handle the situation and that is just the complete opposite of who I thought she was. She always seemed so sure of herself, so sure of what she wanted, and to see this unsure side of her is quite revealing.

She misses me but insists that she doesn't want a relationship, doesn't want to fuck with my head. But all of this stuff that she is saying to me just makes me think that she does want a relationship and couldn't handle it if she fucked with my head. My head is fine, my head is definitely in a better place than it was 5 months ago, it's in a better place than it was 1 month ago when all of this shit started happening.

She thinks that I want to go out and hook up with other girls and said that she can't be around that, doesn't want to see it. What the fuck? If she could make up her damn mind then it wouldn't be a problem. I told her that I wanted to be with her. But she can't expect me to wait around forever for her to figure out what's going on. I don't want to go on the prowl for other girls and one night stands, but if she can't be with me then what does she expect me to do, sit around at night waiting for her? What is she so damn upset about, that I'm not completely devoted to her? She doesn't want a girlfriend like that anyway. I'm not clingy, I have my own life, my own friends, I can make plans on a Friday night, I don't have to wait around for her to figure out what she wants to do and invite me along. I'm certainly not going to wait by the phone for her call to say that she has time to hang out with me.

This whole turn of events is just bizarre to me. Maybe she'll figure it out. We're supposed to go watch a show tonight at a club in the city. I told her that I could drive home afterward if she didn't want me to sleep at her house. That sucks though because I wanted to have a few celebratory drinks to commemorate my freedom. But if I have to drive then no drinking for me. And I do want to sleep with her, I really enjoy it, but if she's going to be weird about it then I won't. I wish she would figure out what the hell is going on in her head because I won't wait around forever, I shouldn't even be waiting around right now.